The "Lonesome Polecat" Song - from 7B-4-7B

The "Lonesome Polecat" Song *

------ // ------

Seven Brides For Seven Brothers 
(1954 MGM)

  Lyrics:

Caleb:
I'm a lonesome polecat
lonesome, sad and blue
'cause i ain't got no feminine polecat
vowin' to be true
oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh
cain't make no vows
to a herd o' cows,
oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

Frank & Gideon:
I'm a mean old hound dog
bayin' at the moon
'cause i ain't got no lady friend hound dog
here to hear my tune
oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh
 
Frank, Gideon & Benjamin:
A man cain't sleep
when he sleeps with sheep
oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

Frank, Gideon, Benjamin, Daniel, & Ephriam:
I'm a li'l old hoot owl
hootin' in the trees
'cause i ain't got no little gal owl fowl
here to shoot the breeze
oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh
cain't shoot no breeze
with a bunch o' trees
oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

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* Source:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9-jbBbjLUc

A Gem from Art Buchwald! - by TPO

The Big Lie *

by

Art Buchwald (1925-2007)
=== // ===

     The Great Lie Detector Test Flap has come to an end. When President Reagan signed a directive ordering thousands of government officials to hook up to a polygraph machine, Secretary of State George Shultz balked, and announced he would resign.

     The President then backed down and said the lie detector would be used only in special cases.

     What nobody knows is that it wasn’t George Shultz who was responsible for getting Mr. Reagan to rethink his security plan. It was Nancy Reagan.

     Three days after the President signed the directive, two men came into Mrs. Reagan’s sitting room and attempted to place electrodes on her head.

     Mrs. Reagan said, “What are you doing?”

     One of the men replied, “The President has ordered everyone to take a polygraph test. We wanted to get the White House people out of the way first.”

     “Leave immediately. I will never submit to a polygraph test.”

     “Gee, Mrs. Reagan. It isn’t a big deal to take one if you have nothing to hide. But it’s going to make everyone wonder about you if you refuse.”

     “I’m going to speak to the President about this.”

     “Nancy, why are you getting your hair done so early?”

     “These are not hair curlers, Ronnie. They are electrodes for a polygraph test. Will you please tell me why I have to submit to one?”

     “I can’t very well ask George Shultz to take the test if I won’t ask my own wife.”

     “Ronnie, have I ever lied to you?”

     “Of course not. That’s why I wasn’t afraid to okay the polygraph for you. I knew you would pass with flying colors. Can’t you see the headlines--- ‘Nancy Reagan Tells Truth Again.’ "

     “There’s no reason for me to take a test. I don’t know any state secrets.”

     “That’s the point, Nancy. If you did know any secrets, the threat of a lie detector test would make you think twice before you passed them on.”

     “Ronnie, why are you making everyone do this?”

     “Bill Webster and Cap Weinberger think it is a dandy idea. They believe the tests will have a chilling effect on would-be traitors.”

     “Am I considered a would-be traitor?”

     “Of course not. I know it , and you know it, but how can I prove it to everyone else if I can’t produce the results of your polygraph tests?”

     “Everyone says lie detector tests are no good. They can’t even be used in court as evidence. And they violate people’s civil rights.”

     “I have done more for civil rights than any President in the past fifty years. Let me read you a letter I received from a little girl in Iowa.”

     “Ronnie, I want those men out of the boudoir in two minutes.”

     “Nancy, you are the crown jewel in my administration’s polygraph program. We’ll make the questions very simple, such as, why did you exile our dog Lucky to the ranch in California?”

     “I’ve never hesitated to cooperate with you before, Ronnie. But this time the answer is NO.”

     “Since you feel that way about it, I’ll cancel the lie detector program. But when the next commie spy surfaces in the government, you’ll have nobody to blame but George Schultz and yourself.”

  ________________________________

* Source: Art Buchwald, “I Think I Don’t Remember”, The Putnam Publishing Group, 1985.