How to Work for an Idiot
by Scott Reeves
by Scott Reeves
Business
Basics (Forbes.com) *
Idiot
bosses exist only to stomp the life out of their intellectually superior and
more innovative subordinates.
This keeps
many good workers up at night. Some can't figure out why their ideas are
rejected and their work is denigrated. Others sink into cynicism about their
careers. A few devote all their energy to plotting revenge against the dummy in
the corner office.
Instead,
use a little jujitsu: Turn your boss's cluelessness to your advantage. Call it
idiot engineering.
"A
clueless boss gives you a wide-open field," says John Hoover, author of How
to Work for an Idiot: Survive & Thrive--Without Killing Your Boss. "Learn
what's important to your boss, understand what your company is looking for and
help the fool meet those expectations."
Tips on how to deal with seven types of idiot bosses
Some
workers, fed up by the knuckle-dragging incompetence of the idiot boss, spend a
good part of the day making the twit look bad. The shrewd employee works around
the idiot boss by becoming a boost to the ninny's career--not an impediment.
"You
want to diminish the power of the boss's cluelessness to harm you," says Hoover, a corporate
psychologist who holds a Ph.D. in organizational behavior. "You do that by
becoming an enhancement to the boss."
Start by
paying attention to what interests the bumbler and listen carefully when the
schmo grunts. This will provide vital information in planning your winning
assault on idiocy.
If your
boss has a hockey stick in the corner, uses a puck for a paperweight and has
the jersey of his favorite player mounted on the wall, you don't have to be
Sherlock Holmes to figure out that he's a hockey nut.
Rather than
laying out your proposal in detailed and complex language peppered with chatter
about the "leading edge" and "getting the lion's share of
resources," try this:
"Wasn't
it Hall-of-Famer Wayne Gretzky who said you shouldn't skate to where the puck
is but to where the puck will be?"
A true
idiot will miss the metaphor. Relax, you're talking hockey, and your favorite
jackass will listen. If you make your presentation in hockey-speak, chances are
the boss will love your idea--even if he doesn't understand it--and will give
you the go-ahead.
That's your
opening, and, as a non-idiot, the rest is up to you.
Some may
see efforts to handle an idiot boss as butt kissing, but anyone who thinks that
probably believes the road to advancement starts by making the boss look
stupid.
"Idiot
engineering isn't butt kissing," Hoover
says. "The whole idea is to make working conditions more conducive to your
career growth."
Remember:
The key to overcoming an idiot boss includes blending your ideas with the
nincompoop's language and agenda. If the schmuck adopts your ideas as his own,
you've hopped the first hurdle to success.
"Even
though idiot bosses are inevitable, they don't have to be terminal," Hoover says.
But no
matter how successful your idiot engineering efforts are, remember who's the
boss.
"The
person with the institutional authority is always the 800-pound gorilla,"
says Hoover.
"People who go to work thinking they'll out-wrestle the big monkey will
lose every time."
A clueless
boss isn't necessarily unconscious, and most know they're in over their heads.
This creates great insecurity. As a result, the idiot boss spends most of his
day defending his turf against all threats rather than advancing the interests
of the company. The idiot boss's imperative is clear: prevent others from
seeing his near-terminal cluelessness.
The
turbo-charged jerk in pinstripes is more than happy to slaughter a sacrificial
lamb on the altar of his own incompetence. You can avoid being that innocent
lamb by making yourself indispensable to the big goof.
The rare
non-idiot boss does a genius thing: talk to employees, ask about their job and
how it can be done better. Jack Welch, former head of General Electric, nailed
it. Clearly, someone knows which end is up at top-notch companies such as
Microsoft, Intel, Dell, Apple Computer, Southwest Airlines and
JetBlue Airways.
"I'm a
recovering idiot boss," Hoover
says. "If I stop talking to my people, I'm dangling precariously. I've got
to engage them and learn from their skills. If I do that, I've taken my
personality out of the equation, and that creates consistency."
However, if
your boss is dumber than a fence post and beyond redemption, it may be time to
find another job. Hoover
says an inability to get along with the boss is cited as the top reason for
changing jobs. Then comes job dissatisfaction, followed by inadequate pay.
"In a
free market, we can vote with our feet," Hoover says. "Leaving may have
consequences--pay and location, for example--so do a cost/benefit analysis
before giving notice."
The battle
against idiocy is a long, twilight struggle. As you gird for battle, take a
hard look at yourself.
"Beware
your inner idiot," Hoover
says. "Success and stupidity don't mix. Your boss's stupidity is only half
the problem. Your own stupidity can easily complete the disaster."
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