The Cause of All His Troubles - by Life Lessons

The Cause of All His Troubles 

- by Life Lessons -

A man woke up one morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.  He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.

He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the first bottle swearing, "You are the reason I fight with my wife!"

He smashed the second bottle ... "You are the reason I don't love my children!"

He smashed the third bottle ... "You are the reason I don't have a decent job!"

When he got to the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still full and well sealed .... He hesitated for only a moment and said, "You stand aside, I know you were not involved."

The Replacement Priest - by Unknown

 

The Replacement Priest
- by Unknown -
~~~~~~~~ /// ~~~~~~~~ A priest was being summoned temporarily to another town on an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to come and cover for him.

The rabbi pointed out that he wouldn't know what to say in a confessional, but the priest was very persuasive. He convinced the rabbi that he would show him the basics of a priest's work in the confession booth.

The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional.

After a few minutes a woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
The priest asks, "What did you do?" 
The woman says, "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?" 
Woman: "Three times." 
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery."
Priest: “How many times?" 
Man: "Three times." 
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Rabbi: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Rabbi: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once."
Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."