Grandma's Birthday - by Anonymous

Grandma’s Birthday

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by Anonymous

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...

"Bastards won't let me fart."

Nose - by Srimathi Raman

"A nose, kind sir! Sure, Mother Nature,
With all her freaks, ne'er formed this feature.
If such were mine, I'd try and trade it,
And swear the gods had never made it."

Susanna Moodie 

 

Nose * ~~~~~~~~~~ By Srimathi Raman

Center of the face Is located the nose. Decent are ears, eyes and mouth. Never behave uncouth. Problems of the face, Due to this nose, Is not at all nice. Sneeze without a cover, People around suffer, Saliva’s shower. Nose gets a nasty squeeze, Controlled is the dirty sneeze. Nose leaks; water flows. Both from eyes and nose. Worst is the case. Plastering the nose and eyes, Will not be wise. Cold has no cure. Person has to endure. Water from nose and eyes meet. Horrible is the sight. Nose blocks. Breathing cracks. Breath emits bad odor. Blowing gets harder. Try try till you blow. All around is the filth’s throw. Healthy is the nose. Happy is the face. Index or small finger, Press {should I say dig} the trigger. Face loses its face. Screams, I lose.

* Source: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/nose.html