Acumen Fund - Jacqueline Novogratz

Jacqueline Novogratz
Acumen Fund
"Social Entrepreneurship thru Patient Capital"  (Radio Interview)** /// If Firefox does not show the player, please try IE, Google Chrome, or Apache ///




_____________________________________________________
** Courtesy: Minnesota Public Radio

"Big Iron" - by Marty Robbins

Marty Robbins (1925-1982)
---------
"Big Iron"  

To the town of Agua Fria
Rode a stranger one fine day.
Hardly spoke to folks around him,
Didn't have too much to say.
No one dared to ask his business,
No one dared to make a slip,
The stranger there among them
Had a big iron on his hip.
Big iron on his hip.

It was early in the morning
When he rode into the town.
He came riding from the south side
Slowly lookin' all around.
He's an outlaw loose and running,
Came the whisper from each lip,
And he's here to do some business
With the big iron on his hip.
Big iron on his hip.

In this town there lived an outlaw
By the name of Texas Red.
Many men had tried to take him
And that many men were dead.
He was vicious and a killer,
Though a youth of twenty-four,
And the notches on his pistol
Numbered one and nineteen more.
One and nineteen more.

Now the stranger started talking,
Made it plain to folks around.
He was an Arizona Ranger,
Wouldn't be too long in town.
He came here to take an outlaw,
Back alive or maybe dead,
And he said it didn't matter
He was after Texas Red.
After Texas Red.

Wasn't long before the story
Was relayed to Texas Red.
But the outlaw didn't worry
Men that tried before were dead.
Twenty men had tried to take him,
Twenty men had made a slip.
Twenty-one would be the ranger
With the big iron on his hip.
Big iron on his hip.

The morning passed so quickly,
It was time for them to meet.
It was twenty past eleven
When they walked out in the street.
Folks were watching from the windows,
Everybody held their breath.
They knew this handsome ranger
Was about to meet his death.
About to meet his death.

There was forty feet between them
When they stopped to make their play.
And the swiftness of the Ranger
Is still talked about today.
Texas Red had not cleared leather
'Fore a bullet fairly ripped,
And the Ranger's aim was deadly
With the big iron on his hip.
Big iron on his hip.

It was over in a moment
And the folks had gathered 'round.
There before them lay the body
of the outlaw on the ground.
Oh, he might have gone on living
But he made one fatal slip
When he tried to match the Ranger
With the big iron on his hip.
Big iron on his hip.

Big iron, big iron
When he tried to match the Ranger
With the big iron on his hip.
Big iron on his hip.    

"The Three Little Pigs" - by Roald Dahl

Roald Dahl (1916-1990)

"The Three Little Pigs"

The animal I really dig,
Above all others is the pig.
Pigs are noble. Pigs are clever,
Pigs are courteous. However,
Now and then, to break this rule,
One meets a pig who is a fool.
What, for example, would you say,
If strolling through the woods one day,
Right there in front of you you saw
A pig who'd built his house of STRAW?
The Wolf who saw it licked his lips,
And said, 'That pig has had his chips.'
'Little pig, little pig, let me come in!'
'No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!'
'Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!'

The little pig began to pray,
But Wolfie blew his house away.
He shouted, 'Bacon, pork and ham!
Oh, what a lucky Wolf I am!'
And though he ate the pig quite fast,
He carefully kept the tail till last.
Wolf wandered on, a trifle bloated.
Surprise, surprise, for soon he noted
Another little house for pigs,
And this one had been built of TWIGS!

'Little pig, little pig, let me come in!'
'No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!'
'Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!'

The Wolf said, 'Okay, here we go!'
He then began to blow and blow.
The little pig began to squeal.
He cried, 'Oh Wolf, you've had one meal!
Why can't we talk and make a deal?
The Wolf replied, 'Not on your nelly!'
And soon the pig was in his belly.

'Two juicy little pigs!' Wolf cried,
'But still I'm not quite satisfied!
I know how full my tummy's bulging,
But oh, how I adore indulging.'
So creeping quietly as a mouse,
The Wolf approached another house,
A house which also had inside
A little piggy trying to hide.
'You'll not get me!' the Piggy cried.
'I'll blow you down!' the Wolf replied.
'You'll need,' Pig said, 'a lot of puff,
And I don't think you've got enough.'
Wolf huffed and puffed and blew and blew.
The house stayed up as good as new.
'If I can't blow it down,' Wolf said,
'I'll have to blow it up instead.
I'll come back in the dead of night
And blow it up with dynamite!'
Pig cried, 'You brute! I might have known!'
Then, picking up the telephone,
He dialed as quickly as he could
The number of red Riding Hood.

'Hello,' she said. 'Who's speaking? Who?
Oh, hello, Piggy, how d'you do?'
Pig cried, 'I need your help, Miss Hood!
Oh help me, please! D'you think you could?'
'I'll try of course,' Miss Hood replied.
'What's on your mind...?' 'A Wolf!' Pig cried.
'I know you've dealt with wolves before,
And now I've got one at my door!'

'My darling Pig,' she said, 'my sweet,
That's something really up my street.
I've just begun to wash my hair.
But when it's dry, I'll be right there.'

A short while later, through the wood,
Came striding brave Miss Riding Hood.
The Wolf stood there, his eyes ablaze,
And yellowish, like mayonnaise.
His teeth were sharp, his gums were raw,
And spit was dripping from his jaw.
Once more the maiden's eyelid flickers.
She draws the pistol from her knickers.
Once more she hits the vital spot,
And kills him with a single shot.
Pig, peeping through the window, stood
And yelled, 'Well done, Miss Riding Hood!'

Ah, Piglet, you must never trust
Young ladies from the upper crust.
For now, Miss Riding Hood, one notes,
Not only has two wolfskin coats,
But when she goes from place to place,
She has a PIGSKIN TRAVELING CASE.                        

The Philosophy of "Wrongism" - Kathryn Schulz

Kathryn Schulz === // ===  " W R O N G I S M "

American History - by Anonymous

American History - by Anonymous

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said Give me Liberty, or Give me Death?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.

"Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost complete hysteria, the teacher screamed, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled back at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws an eraser at Pedro, and someone else shouted "Duck!" The teacher, who was just then recovering consciousness, asked: "Who said that?"

Pedro: "Dick Cheney, 2006!"

"American Energy Policy" - Turner & Pickens

Ted Turner (left)
and
T. Boone Pickens (right)





Ted Turner and T. Boone Pickens at the National Press Club   **
Tuesday, April 19, 2011


_____________________________________________________     
** Courtesy: Minnesota Public Radio News

Talkers and Doers - by Hénock Gugsa

Talkers and Doers --------- // ---------
by Hénock Gugsa
[ "The big divide in this country is not between Democrats and Republicans, or
women and men, but between talkers and doers." Thomas Sowell ]
Thru the span of at least the past fifty years, I have naturally had innumerable encounters with fellow human beings in various settings. And the solid outcome for me has been the conclusion that people can essentially be put into one of two categories …
1 – The Talkers
and
2 – The Doers. We can argue about this gem of knowledge until we are blue in the face. But, there is no denying the universal truth: People are either talkers or doers. Just as important as this discovery is the realization that, to a great extent and degree, the two types are mutually exclusive.

Talkers are generally too busy talking … they talk about the work, they talk about themselves, they talk about how busy they are at work. They do everything but work. What little they know about the work [they are supposed to be doing,] they spend a lot of time and effort explaining it instead of doing it. But even worse, sadly, ineptitude and laziness have become the normal realm of talkers. Because they waste a lot of time talking, they accomplish very little. However, they are still very proud even of that, and of-course, they have to talk about it. In situations where they are “working” alone or when others are not listening or talking to them, the talkers are found talking to their work. They would be either saying out loud the steps of their tasks like a child or a novice at work … “Okay, now I do this …. then I go here, and type that, … then go there and check that off. Phew! … This is so much work , … blah, blah,blah ….” And that goes on and on ad-infinitum with several obscenity-filled curse words thrown in here and there in response to problems and difficulties. Undoubtedly, in the grand scheme of things, talkers are like the grasshoppers who only know how to eat.

On the other hand, the doers are usually very quiet by nature. They also tend to be very good at their work. They are knowledgeable, self-reliant, and very productive. And, interestingly, they hardly ever toot their own horn. The best of the doers have confidence in their ability, yet they are very modest and do not care for praise or self-promotion. The work itself is the source of satisfaction especially when it is fraught with challenges. It is then that the doers come into their element. They calmly bring out the resources of their minds to meld knowledge and experience into something called, "skill." The best environment for doers is a solitary one, or one where they are least bothered by co-workers or colleagues. Older and wiser doers find solutions, and efficient methods to do their work. They even document and make their findings available for their co-workers to use, without the expectation of acknowledgment or thanks. In the grand scheme of things, doers are the ants who quietly toil and carry more than their weight of work and are productive.

So, in conclusion, here is a question for you ... are you a talker or a doer? Your reaction no doubt will be to either:

1) question and/or answer that …
or
2) quietly shrug and not respond. But a word of caution. Your response (or non-response) will tell you everything about yourself. Hope it is not too disturbing!

"Are Liberals Suckers?" - by TPO

"Are Liberals Suckers?"  -  by  TPO

Today's MinnPost article of the same title by Eric Black has elicited the following bit of commentary from TPO (aka J.J. Sefton) ....

Are liberals suckers? Are zebras basically black with white stripes, or white with black stripes? I don't know!

And if you asked: are conservatives morons? ... I would give the same answer. I don't know!

I think it is possible and even plausible that one can be a gun-loving liberal who believes fiercely in civil liberties and fights for the freedom of the individual against the group. Unfortunately, liberals are not as vocally militant as conservatives these days.

But to the main point ... aren't we all fighting against oppression of one sort or another whether we are successful or not?

Aren't labels like "suckers" cheap, pointless, dismissive, and rhetorically idiotic? What makes one so sure of one's victories or defeats? Are they Pyrrhic and illusory or are they truly lasting and real?

"The River of No Return" - Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962)
-------------
"The River of No Return"

If you listen you can hear it call
Wail-a-ree [wail-a-reeeee]
There is a river called THE RIVER OF NO RETURN
Sometimes it's peaceful and sometimes wild and free!
Love is a trav'ler on THE RIVER OF NO RETURN
Swept on for ever to be lost in the stormy sea
[Wail-a-ree] I can hear the river call [ no return, no return ]
no return, no return [wail-a-ree]
I can hear my lover call come to me [ no return, no return ]
I lost my love on the river and for ever my heart will yearn
Gone, gone for ever down THE RIVER OF NO RETURN
Wail-a-ree [Wail-a-ree] wail-a-re-e-ee
He'll never return to me! [ no return, no return ] 

The Indian Doctor - Peter Sellers

Peter Sellers, Bob Hope, and Bing Crosby
"Road to Hong Kong"

"J’espère" - Pham Quynh Anh et Marc Lavoine

Pham Quynh Anh
et
Marc Lavoine

Je fais des e-mails à tout allure
Tu me réponds "à toute à l’heure"
Tu mets du rouge sur ta figure
Je mets du baume sur mon cœur.

J’espère, j’espère, j’espère
Oh oui, j’espère.
C’est mon caractère mmmmm
J’espère.

Comme disait Yoko Ono
Je vais essayer de retrouver ce mot
D’elle la seule chose qu’on partage en frères,
 mon frère.

J’espère, j’espère, j’espère
 Oh oui, j’espère.
C’est mon caractère mmmmm
J’espère.

On a envie de faire l’amour
Mais les amours sont diluviennes
Parsemées par le temps qui court
Il n’y a pas d’amours qui tiennent.

J’espère, j’espère, j’espère
Oh oui, j’espère.
C’est mon caractère mmmmm
J’espère.

Comme disait Yoko Ono
Je vais essayer de retrouver ce mot
They are the only things
We share, mon frère,

J’espère, j’espère, j’espère
Oh oui, j’espère.
C’est mon caractère mmmmm
J’espère.

Les étoiles qui fuient font la mesure
Des espèces qui disparaissent

J’espère, j’espère, j’espère
Oh oui, j’espère.
C’est mon caractère mmmmm
J’espère.

J’espère, j’espère, j'espère
Oh oui, j’espère.
C’est mon caractère ....

"Willy Wonka's WONKA–VITE!" - by Roald Dahl

                          
                              "Willy Wonka's  WONKA–VITE!" - by Roald Dahl



Roald Dahl ( 1916-1990 )
"If you are old and have the shakes" ==== /// ====
If you are old and have the shakes,
If all your bones are full of aches,
If you can hardly walk at all,
If living drives you up the wall,
If you're a grump and full of spite,
If you're a human parasite,
THEN WHAT YOU NEED IS WONKA–VITE!
Your eyes will shine, your hair will grow,
Your face and skin will start to glow,
Your rotten teeth will all drop out
And in their place new teeth will sprout.
Those rolls of fat around your hips
Will vanish, and your wrinkled lips
Will get so soft and rosy–pink
That all the boys will smile and wink
And whisper secretly that this
Is just the girl they want to kiss!
But wait! For that is not the most
Important thing of which to boast.
Good looks you'll have, we've told you so,
But looks aren't everything, you know.
Each pill, as well, to you will give
AN EXTRA TWENTY YEARS TO LIVE!
So come, old friends, and do what's right!
Let's make your lives as bright as bright!
Let's take a dose of this delight!
This heavenly magic dynamite!
You can't go wrong, you must go right!
IT'S WILLY WONKA'S WONKA–VITE!    

Richard Widmark - A Marvelous Actor !!

Richard Widmark (1914 - 2008) *

"Kiss of Death"**

*Mr. Widmark was born in Sunrise, MN. His father was of Swedish descent and his mother of English and Scottish ancestry.

** In real life, Richard Widmark abhorred guns and violence.  He was the polar opposite of Tommy Udo, the movie character he played here.

"By Yon Bonnie Banks" - by John McDermott

John McDermott
"By Yon Bonnie Banks"

Found at beemp3s.org

By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes,
Where the sun shines bright on loch lomon'
Where me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of loch lomon'.

Oh, ye'll tak' the high road and I'll tak' the low,
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
For me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of loch lomon'.

'Twas there that we parted in yon shady glen,
On the steep, steep sides o' ben lomon'
Where in a purple hue the heilan' hills we view,
An the moon comin' out in the gloamin'.

Oh, ye'll tak' the high road and I'll tak' the low road,
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
For me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of loch lomon'.

The wee birdies sing and the wild flowers spring
And in sunshine the waters are sleepin'
But the broken heart it kens nae second spring again
Tho' the waefu' may cease frae their greetin'.

Oh, ye'll tak' the high road and I'll tak' the low,
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
But me and my true love will never meet again.
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of loch lomon'.

The Aurora (Winter 2011) - by Terja Sorgjerd

"I spent a week capturing one of the biggest aurora borealis shows in recent years.

Shot in and around Kirkenes and Pas National Park bordering Russia, at 70 degree north and 30 degrees east. Temperatures around -25 Celsius. Good fun."

Terja Sorgjerd



**Note**: Photographer Terje Sorgjerd braved -25 degree Celsius (-15 F) temperatures to capture this mesmerizing collection of photographs. Then, by assembling the 22,000 photos, he created a time-lapse video of the rich color and dynamic shapes of the Northern Lights that would normally be difficult to see. Adding the atmospheric Hans Zimmer/Lisa Gerrard song "Now We Are Free" from the movie Gladiator to the mix, and Sorgjerd has created a masterpiece. (source: vimeo.com)

"I, Too, Sing America" - by Langston Hughes

Langston Hughes (1902-1967)  "I, Too, Sing America"              

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.

Short-Term Memory --- by Braingle.com

Memory :: Short-Term Memory
--------------

The average person's short-term memory can only hold 7 pieces of information for about 30 seconds. If you want to get something into your long-term memory, you're going to need to remember it for at least 30 seconds.

This is probably why it's easy to forget someone's name moments after hearing it. The name only sticks in your brain for 30 seconds, and unless you do something to push it into your long-term memory, you are going to forget it.

To get more than 7 items at a time into your long-term memory, you can try the Chunking Technique (*see below). Repetition can also help.

But remember, having a limited short-term memory is a good thing! Imagine how cluttered your mind would be if you remembered every single thing that went into it.

---------------------------------------------------

(*)Chunking: The technique of taking smaller objects and grouping them into larger objects so they can be more easily remembered. It's much easier to remember 65-74-81-32 than it is to remember 65748132.

Try remembering the letters TRTESEL. Now try remembering the same letters in this order: LETTERS. Because your brain is remembering a word instead of 7 random letters, it doesn't have to work as hard. Essentially, you have compressed more information into a single chunk.
______________________
source: http://www.braingle.com

"Les Feuilles Mortes" - Yves Montand

Yves Montand
( 1921 - 1991 )

"Les feuilles mortes" - Yves Montand

Oh ! je voudrais tant que tu te souviennes
Des jours heureux où nous étions amis.
En ce temps-là la vie était plus belle,
Et le soleil plus brûlant qu'aujourd'hui.
Les feuilles mortes se ramassent à la pelle.
Tu vois, je n'ai pas oublié...
Les feuilles mortes se ramassent à la pelle,
Les souvenirs et les regrets aussi.

Et le vent du nord les emporte
Dans la nuit froide de l'oubli.
Tu vois, je n'ai pas oublié
La chanson que tu me chantais.

{Refrain:}
C'est une chanson qui nous ressemble.
Toi, tu m'aimais et je t'aimais
Nous vivions tous les deux ensemble,
Toi qui m'aimais, moi qui t'aimais.

Mais la vie sépare ceux qui s'aiment,
Tout doucement, sans faire de bruit
Et la mer efface sur le sable
les pas des amants désunis.

Cubicle Humor - by David Letterman

DAVID LETTERMAN'S  TOP 10 DRAWBACKS TO WORKING IN A CUBICLE

10 - Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long.

9 - Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who's behind you.

8 - Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gunfire.

7 - That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you'll get a piece of cheese.

6 - Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

5 - The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.

4 - 23 power cords - 1 outlet.

3 - Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.

2 - The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your co-workers.

 .... And the NUMBER ONE drawback to working in a cubicle is:

1 - You can't walk out and slam the door when you quit!







David Letterman (1947 - )            

TSUNAMI - The Might of Nature!

Tsunami !

The Might of Nature

The Chase - by GEICO

      The Chase
--------
by GEICO   

               

The Over-nagged Husband - by Anonymous

The Over-nagged Husband
--------- A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The newly-widowed man thought about it briefly and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The widower replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." 

"Right Wing Activists" - by D S

"Right Wing Activists"
by
D S

 

Snippets of Wisdom - Miscellaneous

Mark Twain
----------

Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
____________________

Mohandas Gandhi
---------------

A religion that takes no account of practical affairs and does not help to solve them is no religion.

An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.

Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.
_________________________

George Bernard Shaw
-------------------

All great truths begin as blasphemies.

Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.

Old men are dangerous: it doesn't matter to them what is going to happen to the world.

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!
_______________________

Albert Einstein
---------------

Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.

Force always attracts men of low morality.

Information is not knowledge.
________________________

Benjamin Disraeli
-----------------

Change is inevitable. Change is constant.

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.

The secret of success is to be ready when your opportunity comes.
___________________________

Fyodor Dostoevsky
-----------------

Man only likes to count his troubles, but he does not count his joys.

The formula 'Two and two make five' is not without its attractions.

To live without Hope is to cease to live.

To love someone means to see him as God intended him.
_______________________

Samuel Johnson
--------------

A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.

All the arguments which are brought to represent poverty as no evil show it evidently to be a great evil.

Books, like friends, should be few and well-chosen.

Disease generally begins that equality which death completes.

He that undervalues himself will undervalue others, and he that undervalues others will oppress them.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.

It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other.

It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives. The act of dying is not of importance, it lasts so short a time.

Man alone is born crying, lives complaining, and dies disappointed.

Poetry is the art of uniting pleasure with truth.

Resolve not to be poor: whatever you have, spend less. Poverty is a great enemy to human happiness; it certainly destroys liberty, and it makes some virtues impracticable, and others extremely difficult.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

What is easy is seldom excellent.

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully. 

Danke Herr Beethoven! - TPO

Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827)
--------------------
Beethoven Choral Fantasy, Op.80 - Conclusion -
Daniel Barenboim & Berliner Philharmoniker

The Battle Goes On - by TPO

The Battle Goes On (Man vs. Woman)
-----
TPO
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
---------------------
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMAN'S REVENGE
---------------
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
--------------------
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
--------------------
Tom and his wife were attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication. The instructor wrapped up his lecture with the following piece of advice: "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
And to illustrate his point, he addressed Tom and asked, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
--------------------
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
Confused, she says, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers ... 'cause it's sooo-ooo-ooo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she."
(We figure this is the fellow on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
-------------
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS
-----------
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
-------------
One day, a man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

WHO DOES WHAT?
------------------
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
The wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
------------------
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m." He left the note where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests!

The verdict for now :-
--------------------
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. 

On Aging - by The Cat In the Hat

"On Aging"
by  The Cat In the Hat (not Dr. Seuss)  

I cannot see I cannot pee I cannot chew I cannot screw Oh my god, what can I do? My memory shrinks My hearing stinks No sense of smell I look like hell My mood is bad - can you tell? My body's drooping Have trouble pooping The Golden Years  have come at last The Golden Years can kiss my ass.