-- Billy Connolly (1942 -) --
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- If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?
- I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.
- If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
- It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.
- I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
- What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
- Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?
- 53 f---ing virgins! The very thought of 53 f---ing virgins, it's a nightmare! It's not a f---ing present, it's not a prize- it's a punishment! Give me 2 fire-breathing whores any day of the week. I'm a slut man!
