Monster in our Midst - by Emily Gurnon

Monster in Our Midst (Wolf in Sheep's Clothing)
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by Emily Gurnon *

St. Paul Pioneer Press (8/11/2014)
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Years ago, he was a young Minnesota priest -- and alleged rapist. 

The Rev. Kenneth LaVan began sexually abusing girls with his first parish assignment in the 1960s and later threatened to burn down a woman's house and have her husband killed -- yet he was not removed from active ministry in the Twin Cities until last year, according to court and internal church records.
 
The Rev. Kevin McDonough told then-Archbishop Harry Flynn of the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis in 2005 that while he knew of LaVan's "boundary violations with adult females, I had forgotten that there were two allegations in the late 1980s concerning sexual involvement with teenaged girls."

There were "significant doubts" about the girls' stories, however, McDonough told Flynn.
Nevertheless, he raised the possibility of "reopening an investigation into these old matters." Flynn said that wasn't necessary.
[....]
An early allegation against LaVan was by a girl who said the priest raped her when she was 14 or 15 at the Church of St. Raphael in Crystal, where he served from 1965 to 1970.

Psychologist Gary Schoener was hired by the archdiocese to examine LaVan. He also evaluated the girl's account and that of another teenager, who said LaVan kissed her "passionately," backed her up against a wall and fondled her. The abuse began when she was between the sixth and seventh grade, she said.
[....]
LaVan denied "anything close to" a rape, though Schoener said he believed LaVan was minimizing events with both girls.

"The alternative -- that these stories are fabrications -- seems extraordinarily unlikely," Schoener wrote. Putting him back in a pastoral or counseling role, he said, would be "very risky."
[....]
Schoener's examination of LaVan followed reports of his involvement with several women.

Among them, an adult parishioner at St. Francis of Assisi Church in Lake St. Croix Beach, where LaVan was assigned from 1983 to 1985, told Bishop Robert Carlson that LaVan "became very upset" when she ended a sexual relationship between them.

LaVan harassed her family, "frequently went up and down in front of their house and surprised (her) on the beach," according to a 1985 memo from Carlson to then-Archbishop John Roach. The woman's husband confronted him and told him to leave them alone.
[....]
When she continued to rebuff him, LaVan "mentioned a threat about possibly burning down the house ... 'or have your husband murdered, but I am not that kind of person,' " Carlson quoted LaVan as saying.
[....]
In all, LaVan was accused of sexually abusing at least three girls and several women. One had previously suffered a brain injury and was under psychiatric care at the time of the abuse, which church officials recognized as making her particularly vulnerable.

He was removed from ministry in December 2013 only after media scrutiny on the mishandling of sexual abuse by priests in the archdiocese. The archdiocese [finally!] disclosed his name as an abuser in February 2014. 

[LaVan, 81, now lives in Oakdale.]
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*Source: (excerpted from)- http://www.twincities.com/localnews/ci_26315413/twin-cities-priest-accused-sex-abuse-job-until?source=email

  

20 Things the Dog Ate - by Brian Doyle

20 Things the Dog Ate *
- by Brian Doyle -
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1. ANCIENT SQUASHED DRIED ROUND FLAT SHARD OF BEAVER
Sweet mother of the mewling baby Jesus! You wouldn’t think a creature that likes to watch Peter O’Toole movies would be such an omnivorous gobbling machine, but he has eaten everything from wasps to the back half of a raccoon. And let us not ignore the beaver. Speculation is that beaver was washed up onto road when the overflowing lake blew its dam, was squashed by a truck, and then got flattened ten thousand times more, and then summer dried it out hard and flat as a manhole cover, and the dog somehow pried it up, leaving only beaver oil on the road, and ate it. Sure, he barfed later. Wouldn’t you?

2. YOUNG SPARROW
I kid you not. Sparrow falls from nest in the pine by the fence, flutters down ungainly to unmerciful earth, dog leaps off porch like large hairy mutant arrow, gawps bird, in half an instant. Man on porch roars drop it! Dog emits bird with a choking coughing sound, as if disgusted by a misplaced apostrophe. Bird staggers for a moment and then flutters awkwardly up to fence post. I wouldn’t have believed this if I had not seen it with my own holy eyeballs. Wonder how fledgling bird explained that adventure to mom.

3. CRAYONS
I don’t even want to think about this ever again. Crayola. The big box—sixty-four crayons, all colors. Sure, he barfed later. Sure he did. Wouldn’t you?

4. YELLOW JACKET WASPS
Every summer. Even though he gets stung again and again in the nether reaches of his mouth and throat and jumps up whirling around in such a manner that we laugh so hard we have to pee. He cannot resist snapping them out of the air as if they were bright bits of candy, and then making high plaintive sounds like a country singer on laughing gas. I have to pee.

5. JELLYFISH ON THE SHORE OF THE VAST AND IMPACIFIC PACIFIC
Why would you ever do such a thing? What could possibly look less appetizing than an oozing quivering deceased jellyfish? Yet he does. Sure, he barfs.

6. TO 19. SOME NONORGANIC HIGHLIGHTS
Pencil nubs. Lacrosse balls. The cricket ball a friend sent me from Australia. Pennies. Postcards. Sports sections. Bathrobe belts. Kindling sticks. Kazoos. Most of a paperback copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Most of a cell-phone charger. Pen caps. Toothbrushes. One of two tiny sneakers that belonged to a child one month old, although to be fair it wasn’t like the kid was actually using the sneakers.

20. AN ENTIRE RED SQUIRREL, CALLED A CHICKAREE IN THESE PARTS
I think the squirrel was suicidal. If you were a squirrel the size of a banana, and you could evade a dog with the athletic gifts and predatory instinct of Michael Jordan, would you venture down to the grass for any reason whatsoever, knowing that the dog could change you from present to past tense in less than a second? Would you? Me neither. But the squirrel did. The skull appeared magically in the grass two days later. The dog declined to eat the skull a second time, probably for religious reasons, or maybe because he knew he would barf. Wouldn’t you?
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* Source: The July/August 2013 issue of Orion magazine