A Gem from Art Buchwald! - by TPO

The Big Lie *

by

Art Buchwald (1925-2007)
=== // ===

     The Great Lie Detector Test Flap has come to an end. When President Reagan signed a directive ordering thousands of government officials to hook up to a polygraph machine, Secretary of State George Shultz balked, and announced he would resign.

     The President then backed down and said the lie detector would be used only in special cases.

     What nobody knows is that it wasn’t George Shultz who was responsible for getting Mr. Reagan to rethink his security plan. It was Nancy Reagan.

     Three days after the President signed the directive, two men came into Mrs. Reagan’s sitting room and attempted to place electrodes on her head.

     Mrs. Reagan said, “What are you doing?”

     One of the men replied, “The President has ordered everyone to take a polygraph test. We wanted to get the White House people out of the way first.”

     “Leave immediately. I will never submit to a polygraph test.”

     “Gee, Mrs. Reagan. It isn’t a big deal to take one if you have nothing to hide. But it’s going to make everyone wonder about you if you refuse.”

     “I’m going to speak to the President about this.”

     “Nancy, why are you getting your hair done so early?”

     “These are not hair curlers, Ronnie. They are electrodes for a polygraph test. Will you please tell me why I have to submit to one?”

     “I can’t very well ask George Shultz to take the test if I won’t ask my own wife.”

     “Ronnie, have I ever lied to you?”

     “Of course not. That’s why I wasn’t afraid to okay the polygraph for you. I knew you would pass with flying colors. Can’t you see the headlines--- ‘Nancy Reagan Tells Truth Again.’ "

     “There’s no reason for me to take a test. I don’t know any state secrets.”

     “That’s the point, Nancy. If you did know any secrets, the threat of a lie detector test would make you think twice before you passed them on.”

     “Ronnie, why are you making everyone do this?”

     “Bill Webster and Cap Weinberger think it is a dandy idea. They believe the tests will have a chilling effect on would-be traitors.”

     “Am I considered a would-be traitor?”

     “Of course not. I know it , and you know it, but how can I prove it to everyone else if I can’t produce the results of your polygraph tests?”

     “Everyone says lie detector tests are no good. They can’t even be used in court as evidence. And they violate people’s civil rights.”

     “I have done more for civil rights than any President in the past fifty years. Let me read you a letter I received from a little girl in Iowa.”

     “Ronnie, I want those men out of the boudoir in two minutes.”

     “Nancy, you are the crown jewel in my administration’s polygraph program. We’ll make the questions very simple, such as, why did you exile our dog Lucky to the ranch in California?”

     “I’ve never hesitated to cooperate with you before, Ronnie. But this time the answer is NO.”

     “Since you feel that way about it, I’ll cancel the lie detector program. But when the next commie spy surfaces in the government, you’ll have nobody to blame but George Schultz and yourself.”

  ________________________________

* Source: Art Buchwald, “I Think I Don’t Remember”, The Putnam Publishing Group, 1985.

"International Space Prison by 2018 ! " - The Onion

ISP built by PRC *
------- /// -------

The Onion, 4/9/2013

BEIJING—In a highly anticipated announcement that is being met with widespread enthusiasm by Chinese Communist Party officials across the country, the People’s Republic of China unveiled plans Monday to build and operate a new state-of-the-art international space prison by the year 2018.

The detainment complex, expected to orbit approximately 200 miles above the Earth, will reportedly be the most technologically advanced of its kind ever built, and officials from the China National Space Administration claim it will propel the exploration of criminal punishment forward in ways never before thought possible.

“Today marks the beginning of a bold new era in maximum security imprisonment,” Chinese president Xi Jinping said during a nationally televised address announcing the ambitious “ISP Program.” “Utilizing our nation’s great pioneering spirit, we will have a fully operational prison base in space before the end of the decade. This will move China to the forefront of human persecution and enable us to make historic leaps and bounds in the confinement of those who subvert the Republic.”

“Ultimately, though, we hope the ISP will serve as a vessel for international cooperation,” Jinping continued. “The governments of North Korea, Iran, Cuba, and Russia have already pledged financial support and their own convicts to the project. One day, this glorious facility will be filled with inmates representing countries from every corner of the world.”

According to officials, the sprawling 60,000-square-foot facility will be the largest man-made satellite in history, containing over 3,000 prison cells, 500 solitary confinement pods, and as many as 10 cutting-edge torture labs.
 
Construction of the base’s highly advanced components will reportedly cost over $130 billion and will require roughly 10,000 man-hours from peasants toiling in forced labor camps.

“The orbital prison will be completely self-sustaining,” said ISP lead engineer Li Xuanzhi, explaining that refuse, waste, and 100 randomly selected prisoners will be jettisoned into space twice each week. “The station will be equipped with thousands of custom-built solar panels for converting sunlight to electricity, which will then be used to simultaneously power the entire facility and put detainees through electroshock torture. Moreover, a progressive new electrical grid will enable guards to adjust the temperature in individual cells to either negative 15 degrees or 110 degrees Fahrenheit.”
 
According to sources, a select group of 15 Chinese men and women caught criticizing the deteriorating standard of living in rural Lanzhou have already been chosen as the first to be confined in the historic ISP station.

The captives will reportedly undergo a battery of tests and intense training in preparation for the conditions awaiting them in space, including being submerged underwater for minutes at a time, being spun in a human centrifuge at high g-forces until they lose consciousness, undergoing days of sleep deprivation, and having teeth slowly pulled from their mouths with pliers. Sources also confirmed that CNSA engineers have designed a zero-gravity simulator in order to acclimate the inmates to the daily 20-hour shifts of hard labor in the prison’s revolutionary Re-education Module.

“The human body functions very differently without the effects of gravitational pull, so the ISP will allow us to examine how prisoners react to starvation, beatings, isolation, and psychological torture in the weightless environment of space,” said Xuanzhi. “One of the first experiments we look to carry out will determine whether a human rights activist can simply survive for two weeks in space without any food or water. From there, we can chain them to the outside of the spacecraft and monitor their vital signs as they are subjected to incredibly high doses of radiation from the sun.”

“These types of trials will allow for groundbreaking advancements in human confinement and subjugation,” Xuanzhi added. “The ISP can open new doors to faster and more effective methods of sentencing without judicial process, and in the end we hope to push the boundaries of aeronautical technology and incarceration in order to make life far worse for prisoners here on earth.”

Experts say China has been keen to launch an international space prison ever since the Soviet Union successfully sent the world’s first modular space gulag, the Vinovnyy, into low orbit in 1989.

With Vinovnyy no longer in commission as of 1996, China is reportedly aiming to use its international space prison to not only break new ground in convict discipline but also inspire a whole new generation of children to be obedient, loyal, and patriotic.

“Our hope is that this site will also one day serve as a hub for the transportation of space-bound prisoners from every nation,” said CSNA senior director Zhenwei Han. “It can allow, for instance, a ship containing hundreds of stripped, gagged journalists to dock and refuel before continuing on a journey to Mars. This opens a new frontier for sending political dissidents to the far reaches of the solar system, and perhaps someday even farther across the galaxy.”

“Who knows, it could even pave the way for creating an entire colony of Tibetan nationalists on the moon,” added Han, proudly smiling. “The possibilities are truly limitless.”
______________________
* Source: The Onion

Modern Travails and Tremors - from theOnion

Modern Travails and Tremors

from: theOnion *

[Creepy one-word text message from mom could mean anything.]

TACOMA, WA—Area high school student Josh Fairbanks, 16, confirmed Thursday that the vague, creepy one-word text message he just received from his mother could conceivably be interpreted in a nearly infinite variety of ways.

“The last time we texted was yesterday, and the conversation definitely ended with ‘Bye,’ so she has to be referring to something new—but we just talked when she dropped me off at school,” a confused Fairbanks said of the brief message sent to his iPhone, which simply read “soon.”

“I know she was going to the grocery store, so she could have started typing, gotten distracted, and accidentally hit ‘send’ before she could finish her thought. But if that were the case, it seems like the text would be a little longer or start with some other word. Or that she would have texted again and said ‘Sorry, I hit send by mistake.’”

At press time, Fairbanks was mentally cataloguing every possible event in his own life, his mother’s life, or in existence altogether that may or may not be occurring in a timeframe definable as “soon.”

___________________________

* theOnion, News-in-Brief, Local, Issue 49-05, Jan. 31, 2013-03-04

"I'm Dreaming of a ..." - by Randy Newman

"I'm Dreaming of a White President"

(a political and satirical song)

-----------------------------

by Randy Newman

Excerpts fron Randy Newman's Interview with SLATE
---------------------------------------------
[on the satirical song]
Slate: You’ve said that one thing that inspired you to write this song is the thought that, “there are a lot of people who don’t want a black person in the White House and they want him out.” To put it bluntly, how do you know?

Newman: Well, I don’t know, partly because no one, and I mean no one, would admit feeling that way. Still, it’s clear that there are lots of people out there who are uncomfortable. The Civil War was a long time ago but there are aspects of it that remain unsettled, I think. Early on in Obama’s term, there was heat generated by issues that you wouldn’t think would cause such passion. Even the term “Obamacare,” the way it’s spit out, like he was some kind of witch doctor. Maybe I’m overly sensitive to the issue, but I don’t think so. There’s an edge to things that normally wouldn’t have an edge. I thought it was a little extra.

Slate: Did you have Irving Berlin and Bing Crosby in mind when you were writing the song?

Newman: Not them specifically, but maybe the America they represent. Oddly enough, I did a version of Faust years ago, and the vision of God I had in my mind was George Romney. He looks like what God would look like to me. That wide-open, beautiful face. That’s what I see when I picture him. The idea was that the devil always worked real hard and the Lord always beat him, and he just couldn’t understand it. And Romney is the guy I had in mind for that. He just looks so great.

.............................

[On race and racism]
Slate: ..., it seems that you and a few of your colleagues are getting pretty fed up. Is this a trend?

Newman: I’m not sure about a trend, but for me it’s a reaction to the Republican Party, which seems to have drifted farther to the right than a major party has drifted in my lifetime in any direction. It seems to have become almost a radical party. The hate and… I don’t think it’ll last. That kind of thing doesn’t seem to last.

Slate: You’re releasing “I’m Dreaming” free of charge, but you’re encouraging listeners to donate to the United Negro College Fund. Why that particular cause?

Newman: I have some concern that kids will hear this and think, “What is he talking about?” If you have a kid and you try irony out on them, they don’t get it at 7, 8 years old. “What do you mean, you’re dreaming of a white president?” It’s a problem. You can’t really hide the Internet from kids. It worries me some particularly because I’ve done Disney and Pixar stuff.  

______________________________________________________

Mitt and the Swiss Miss - by RomneyGirl.org

Mitt and the Swiss Miss

------------

by RomneyGirl.org

 

The Real Romney - David Brooks

The Real Romney

-------------------

by David Brooks * 

 

The purpose of the Republican convention is to introduce America to the real Mitt Romney.Fortunately, I have spent hours researching this subject. I can provide you with thedefinitive biography and a unique look into the Byronic soul of the Republican nominee: 

 
Mitt Romney was born on March 12, 1947, in Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Virginia and several other swing states. He emerged, hair first, believing in America, and especially its national parks. He was given the name Mitt, after the Roman god of mutual funds, and launched into the world with the lofty expectation that he would someday become the Arrow shirt man.

Romney was a precocious and gifted child. He uttered his first words (“I like to fire people”) at age 14 months, made his first gaffe at 15 months and purchased his first nursery school at 24 months. The school, highly leveraged, went under, but Romney made 24 million Jujubes on the deal.

Mitt grew up in a modest family. His father had an auto body shop called the American Motors Corporation, and his mother owned a small piece of land, Brazil. He had several boyhood friends, many of whom owned Nascar franchises, and excelled at school, where his fourth-grade project, “Inspiring Actuaries I Have Known,” was widely admired.

The Romneys had a special family tradition. The most cherished member got to spend road trips on the roof of the car. Mitt spent many happy hours up there, applying face lotion to combat windburn.

The teenage years were more turbulent. He was sent to a private school, where he was saddened to find there are people in America who summer where they winter. He developed a lifelong concern for the second homeless, and organized bake sales with proceeds going to the moderately rich.

Some people say he retreated into himself during these years. He had a pet rock, which ran away from home because it was starved of affection. He bought a mood ring, but it remained permanently transparent. His ability to turn wine into water detracted from his popularity at parties.

There was, frankly, a period of wandering. After hearing Lou Reed’s “Walk on the Wild Side,” Romney decided to leave Mormonism and become Amish. He left the Amish faith because of its ban on hair product, and bounced around before settling back in college. There, he majored in music, rendering Mozart’s entire oeuvre in PowerPoint.

His love affair with Ann Davies, the most impressive part of his life, restored his equilibrium. Always respectful, Mitt and Ann decided to elope with their parents. They went on a trip to Israel, where they tried and failed to introduce the concept of reticence. Romney also went on a mission to France. He spent two years knocking on doors, failing to win a single convert. This was a feat he would replicate during his 2008 presidential bid.

After his mission, he attended Harvard, studying business, law, classics and philosophy, though intellectually his first love was always tax avoidance. After Harvard, he took his jawline to Bain Consulting, a firm with very smart people with excessive personal hygiene. While at Bain, he helped rescue many outstanding companies, like Pan Am, Eastern Airlines, Atari and DeLorean.

Romney was extremely detail oriented in his business life. He once canceled a corporate retreat at which Abba had been hired to play, saying he found the band’s music “too angry.”

Romney is also a passionately devoted family man. After streamlining his wife’s pregnancies down to six months each, Mitt helped Ann raise five perfect sons — Bip, Chip, Rip, Skip and Dip — who married identically tanned wives. Some have said that Romney’s lifestyle is overly privileged, pointing to the fact that he has an elevator for his cars in the garage of his San Diego home. This is not entirely fair. Romney owns many homes without garage elevators and the cars have to take the stairs.

After a successful stint at Bain, Romney was lured away to run the Winter Olympics, the second most Caucasian institution on earth, after the G.O.P. He then decided to run for governor of Massachusetts. His campaign slogan, “Vote Romney: More Impressive Than You’ll Ever Be,” was not a hit, but Romney won the race anyway on an environmental platform, promising to make the state safe for steeplechase.

After his governorship, Romney suffered through a midlife crisis, during which he became a social conservative. This prepared the way for his presidential run. He barely won the 2012 Republican primaries after a grueling nine-month campaign, running unopposed. At the convention, where his Secret Service nickname is Mannequin, Romney will talk about his real-life record: successful business leader, superb family man, effective governor, devoted community leader and prudent decision-maker. If elected, he promises to bring all Americans together and make them feel inferior.
_______________________________
* New York Times / OP-ED / August 27, 2012

 

Everything Is Clear Now! - [thanks to] A. Borowitz

Everything Is Clear Now!

[thanks to] Andy Borowitz -  The Borowitz Report  *
In a new effort to settle nagging questions about his finances, Republican Presidential pick Mitt Romney today told reporters that his dog ate his tax returns and also served as C.E.O. of Bain Capital from 1999 to 2002.

Mr. Romney’s narrative about the Irish setter Seamus Romney, shared with reporters during a campaign stop in New Hampshire, was perhaps the most emotional invocation of a pet by a politician since Richard M. Nixon’s famed Checkers speech of 1952.

“Seamus was more than a dog,” Mr. Romney said, his voice beginning to quaver. “As C.E.O. of Bain, he was a job creator.”

But Mr. Romney’s revelations about his dog’s career in private equity may have raised more questions than it answered, as a spokesperson for People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) questioned the G.O.P. candidate’s latest version of events.

“If we are to believe Mitt Romney, in 2002 while Seamus was supposedly running Bain Capital he would have been at least 140 years old [in dog years],” said PETA’s Carol Foyler. “This shaggy-dog story represents Mitt Romney’s latest act of animal cruelty.”

Minutes after PETA’s response, Mr. Romney released an amended statement, saying that Seamus Romney had served as C.E.O. of Bain “posthumously.”

It was a quieter day for Mr. Romney’s wife Ann, who, after her “you people” gaffe on ABC’s “Good Morning America” yesterday, was seen riding home on the roof of Mr. Romney’s car.
______________________________________

* Source: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport

 

"A Quantum Theory of Mitt Romney" - by David Javerbaum

[A Feynman diagram of an encounter between a Romney and an anti-Romney. The resulting collision annihilates both, leaving behind a single electron and a $20 bill. - NY Times]

A Quantum Theory of Mitt Romney

---------------

By David Javerbaum *

New York Times / Opinion

Published: March 31, 2012

THE recent remark by Mitt Romney’s senior adviser Eric Fehrnstrom that upon clinching the Republican nomination Mr. Romney could change his political views “like an Etch A Sketch” has already become notorious. The comment seemed all too apt, an apparent admission by a campaign insider of two widely held suspicions about Mitt Romney: that he is a) utterly devoid of any ideological convictions and b) filled with aluminum powder.

The imagery may have been unfortunate, but Mr. Fehrnstrom’s impulse to analogize is understandable. Metaphors like these, inexact as they are, are the only way the layman can begin to grasp the strange phantom world that underpins the very fabric of not only the Romney campaign but also of Mitt Romney in general. For we have entered the age of quantum politics; and Mitt Romney is the first quantum politician.

A bit of context. Before Mitt Romney, those seeking the presidency operated under the laws of so-called classical politics, laws still followed by traditional campaigners like Newt Gingrich. Under these Newtonian principles, a candidate’s position on an issue tends to stay at rest until an outside force — the Tea Party, say, or a six-figure credit line at Tiffany — compels him to alter his stance, at a speed commensurate with the size of the force (usually large) and in inverse proportion to the depth of his beliefs (invariably negligible). This alteration, framed as a positive by the candidate, then provokes an equal but opposite reaction among his rivals.

But the Romney candidacy represents literally a quantum leap forward. It is governed by rules that are bizarre and appear to go against everyday experience and common sense. To be honest, even people like Mr. Fehrnstrom who are experts in Mitt Romney’s reality, or “Romneality,” seem bewildered by its implications; and any person who tells you he or she truly “understands” Mitt Romney is either lying or a corporation.

Nevertheless, close and repeated study of his campaign in real-world situations has yielded a standard model that has proved eerily accurate in predicting Mitt Romney’s behavior in debate after debate, speech after speech, awkward look-at-me-I’m-a-regular-guy moment after awkward look-at-me-I’m-a-regular-guy moment, and every other event in his face-time continuum.

The basic concepts behind this model are:

Complementarity. In much the same way that light is both a particle and a wave, Mitt Romney is both a moderate and a conservative, depending on the situation (Fig. 1). It is not that he is one or the other; it is not that he is one and then the other. He is both at the same time.

Probability. Mitt Romney’s political viewpoints can be expressed only in terms of likelihood, not certainty. While some views are obviously far less likely than others, no view can be thought of as absolutely impossible. Thus, for instance, there is at any given moment a nonzero chance that Mitt Romney supports child slavery.

Uncertainty. Frustrating as it may be, the rules of quantum campaigning dictate that no human being can ever simultaneously know both what Mitt Romney’s current position is and where that position will be at some future date. This is known as the “principle uncertainty principle.”

Entanglement. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a proton, neutron or Mormon: the act of observing cannot be separated from the outcome of the observation. By asking Mitt Romney how he feels about an issue, you unavoidably affect how he feels about it. More precisely, Mitt Romney will feel every possible way about an issue until the moment he is asked about it, at which point the many feelings decohere into the single answer most likely to please the asker.

Noncausality. The Romney campaign often violates, and even reverses, the law of cause and effect. For example, ordinarily the cause of getting the most votes leads to the effect of being considered the most electable candidate. But in the case of Mitt Romney, the cause of being considered the most electable candidate actually produces the effect of getting the most votes.

Duality. Many conservatives believe the existence of Mitt Romney allows for the possibility of the spontaneous creation of an “anti-Romney” (Fig. 2) that leaps into existence and annihilates Mitt Romney. (However, the science behind this is somewhat suspect, as it is financed by Rick Santorum, for whom science itself is suspect.)

What does all this bode for the general election? By this point it won’t surprise you to learn the answer is, “We don’t know.” Because according to the latest theories, the “Mitt Romney” who seems poised to be the Republican nominee is but one of countless Mitt Romneys, each occupying his own cosmos, each supporting a different platform, each being compared to a different beloved children’s toy but all of them equally real, all of them equally valid and all of them running for president at the same time, in their own alternative Romnealities, somewhere in the vast Romniverse.

And all of them losing to Barack Obama.
______________________________________

* David Javerbaum is the author of “The Last Testament: A Memoir by God."

"My Man Newt" - by Maureen Dowd

"My Man Newt"
--------
Maureen Dowd
NY Times OP-Ed Columnist
Published: November 29, 2011


In many ways, Newt is the perfect man.

He knows how to buy good jewelry. He puts his wife ahead of his campaign. He’s so in touch with his feelings that he would rather close the entire federal government than keep his emotions bottled up. He’s confident enough to include a steamy sex scene in a novel. He understands that Paul Revere was warning about the British.

Mitt Romney is a phony with gobs of hair gel. Newt Gingrich is a phony with gobs of historical grandiosity.

The 68-year-old has compared himself to Charles de Gaulle. He has noted nonchalantly: “People like me are what stand between us and Auschwitz.” As speaker, he liked to tell reporters he was a World Historical Transformational Figure.

What does it say about the cuckoo G.O.P. primary that Gingrich is the hot new thing? Still, his moment is now. And therein lies the rub.

As one commentator astutely noted, Gingrich is a historian and a futurist who can’t seem to handle the present. He has more exploding cigars in his pocket than the president with whom he had the volatile bromance: Bill Clinton.

But next to Romney, Gingrich seems authentic. Next to Herman Cain, Gingrich seems faithful. Next to Jon Huntsman, Gingrich seems conservative. Next to Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry, Gingrich actually does look like an intellectual. Unlike the governor of Texas, he surely knows the voting age. To paraphrase Raymond Chandler, if brains were elastic, Perry wouldn’t have enough to make suspenders for a parakeet.

In presidential campaigns, it’s all relative.

Franker than ever as he announced plans to retire from Congress, Barney Frank told Abby Goodnough in The Times that Gingrich was “the single biggest factor” in destroying a Washington culture where the two parties respected each other’s differing views yet still worked together.

Newt is the progenitor of the modern politics of personal destruction.

“He got to Congress in ’78 and said, ‘We the Republicans are not going to be able to take over unless we demonize the Democrats,’ ” Frank said.

In the fiction he writes with William R. Forstchen, Gingrich specializes in alternative histories. What if America hadn’t gone to war with Germany in World War II? What if Gen. Robert E. Lee had won Gettysburg?

The Republican also weaves an alternative history of his own life, where he is saving civilization rather than ripping up the fabric of Congress, where he improves the moral climate of America rather than pollutes it.

Romney is a mundane opportunist who reverses himself on core issues. Gingrich is a megalomaniacal opportunist who brazenly indulges in the same sins that he rails about to tear down political rivals.

Republicans have a far greater talent for hypocrisy than easily cowed Democrats do — and no doubt appreciate that in a leader.

Gingrich led the putsch against Democratic Speaker Jim Wright in 1988, bludgeoning him for an ethically sketchy book deal. The following year, as he moved into the House Republican leadership, he himself got in trouble for an ethically sketchy book deal.

Gingrich was part of the House Republican mob trying to impeach Bill Clinton for hiding his affair with a young government staffer, even as Newt himself was hiding his affair with a young government staffer.

Gingrich has excoriated Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae for dragging the country into a financial spiral and now demands that Freddie Mac be broken up. But it turns out that he was on contract with Freddie for six years and paid $1.6 million to $1.8 million (yacht trips and Tiffany’s bling for everyone!) to help the company strategize about how to soften up critical conservatives and stay alive.

At a Republican debate in New Hampshire last month before this lucrative deal became public, Gingrich suggested that Barney Frank and Chris Dodd should be put in jail. “All I’m saying is, everybody in the media who wants to go after the business community ought to start by going after the politicians who were at the heart of the sickness that is weakening this country,” he said.

Another transcendent moment in Gingrich hypocrisy. He risibly rationalized his deal, saying he was giving the mortgage company advice as a prestigious historian rather than a hired gun.

Gingrich boasts that he’s full of fresh ideas, but it always seems to essentially be the same old one: Let’s turn the clock back to the ’50s. Just as Newt, who dodged service in Vietnam, once cast the Clintons as hippie “McGovernicks,” now he limns the Occupy Wall Street protesters as hippies who need to take a bath and get a job.

Maybe the ideal man to fix Washington’s dysfunction is the one who made it dysfunctional. He broke it so he should own it. And Newt has the best reason to long for the presidency: He’d never be banished to the back of Air Force One again.

Yes, the times: "They are a-changing!" - by TPO

"The times ... they are a-changing!" (*)
-------
If your time to you is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
__________________________________

(*)Bob Dylan: "The Times, they are a changing."   



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"Real Life Adventures"







"Wall Street Protester"

The Great Day - by W.B. Yeats

"The Great Day"
--------------
by W.B. Yeats (1865-1939)

Hurrah for revolution and more cannon-shot!
A beggar upon horseback lashes a beggar on foot.
Hurrah for revolution and cannon come again!
The beggars have changed places, but the lash goes on.

The Sick Lion and the Ass - Jonathan Swift

The Sick Lion and the Ass
----------------
Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)








A lion sunk by time's decay,
Too feeble grown to hunt his prey,
Observed his fatal hour draw nigh:
He drooped and laid him down to die.
There came by chance a savage boar,
Who trembled oft to hear him roar,
But when he saw him thus distressed
He tore and gored his royal breast.
A bull came next (ungen'rous foe),
Rejoiced to find him fall'n so low,
And with his horny-armed head
He aimed at once to strike him dead, -
He strikes, he wounds, he shocks in vain,
The lion still conceals his pain.
At length a base inglorious ass,
Who saw so many insults pass,
Came up and kicked him in the side:
'Twas this that raised the lion's pride.
He roused, and thus he spoke at length,
For indignation gave him strength:
Thou sorry, stupid, sluggish creature,
Disgrace and shame and scorn of nature!
You saw how well I could dispense
With blows from beasts of consequence!
They dignified the wounds they gave;
For none complain who feel the brave.
But you, the lowest of all brutes,
How ill your face with courage suits!
What dullness in thy looks appears!
I'd rather far (by heav'n 'tis true)
Expire by these than live by you:
A kick from thee is double death -
I curse thee with my dying breath!

The Moral

Rebukes are easy from our betters,
From men of quality and letters;
But when low dunces will affront,
What man alive can stand the brunt?   

Giving Up the Ghosts - by Todd Domke

Giving Up the Ghosts
--------------------
Todd Domke *
[ For Romney, success may require campaign exorcism.]

IT’S THE night before Christmas - and seven short weeks before the New Hampshire primary. Mitt Romney is sound asleep . . . and dreaming.

A ghost appears. The spirit looks like Rush Limbaugh in golf attire. “I am the ghost of campaigns past,’’ he says into a golden microphone.

Mitt chuckles. The ghost is not amused. “We’ll see who has the last laugh. I’m taking you to your past - because you are haunted by your mistakes.’’

Together, they vanish into an earlier decade. “Look,’’ says Mitt, “that’s me, campaigning for governor.’’

“Yes, you were a practicing moderate then,’’ says the ghost. “Let’s sail forward in time.’’

They stop at a news conference. “There I am, signing the bill for, uh . . .’’

“Yes, RomneyCare.’’

Mitt shudders. “I look happy, but clueless. I didn’t realize it would haunt me later.’’

They reappear at a 2008 presidential debate. John McCain needles Mitt for flip-flopping. “You’re the candidate of change.’’ Everyone laughs.

The floating Mitt wonders, “Why don’t the other candidates like me? I’m a nice guy.’’

“They don’t respect you. Want to see why?’’

“Not really.’’

“Face the truth!’’ The ghost whips out an iPad. He shows video clips of Mitt pandering.

“Enough!’’ cries Mitt. “I may seem phony, but I’m just being me.’’

“So you’re a genuine phony?’’

Mitt wakes up in a cold sweat. “Phew - just a dream.’’

He soon falls back asleep.

Another ghost appears. The apparition looks like George Stephanopoulos in a tuxedo. “It’s showtime!’’ he says, grinning. “I’m the ghost of campaigns present - or rather, of your campaign.’’

“Oh good, that shouldn’t be scary,’’ says Mitt.

“Think again.’’

They float into a conference room. “Hey, that’s me, with my campaign staff!’’

The candidate is scolding them. “A campaign should be run like a corporation! Position me like a brand. Package me so I’m telling consumers what they want to hear. Poll-test everything!’’

His campaign manager says, “Yes, boss. We’re keeping media interviews to a minimum. We’ll let the other candidates blow up. And if they don’t, we’ll leak our oppo research.’’

“Great,’’ says the candidate. “Let the others take flack, trying to be reformers and leaders. Keep me under the radar.’’

The floating Mitt looks sheepish. He tells the ghost, “Sounds a bit cynical. Can we go?’’

Mitt awakens, embarrassed. He falls asleep again.

A third ghost appears, looking like Donald Trump in a toga. “So,’’ says the specter, “you are my candidate apprentice? That’s sad.’’

Mitt frowns. “You must be the ghost of campaigns future. Just tell me, am I fired?’’

The ghost replies, “I like to build suspense. It’s good for ratings.’’

They rematerialize in a suite at Trump Tower. The ghost says, “This is the most beautiful building in the world! Your mansion in La Jolla is a doghouse compared to this.’’

“Why are we here?’’

The ghost turns on a huge flatscreen. “We’re going to watch a live broadcast of the 2012 Republican convention.’’

“Hey, that’s me speaking to the delegates!’’ says Mitt excitedly. But then he hears, “I am proud to nominate the next president of the . . .’’

“Darn!!’’ says Mitt. “I lose again! How did I blow it?’’

“Voters wanted big and bold, but you went small and timid.’’

“So who won? Who am I nominating?’’

The ghost cackles. “A brave leader, who speaks with conviction . . .’’

R-r-r-r-r-ring! The phone wakes Mitt.

Realizing he had just been dreaming, he’s giddy. “OK, ghosts, I understand. No more pandering. I’ll be a leader.’’

He answers the phone, “Merry Christmas!’’

“Boss, I’ve got terrible news,’’ says his campaign manager. “You’ve fallen to third place in polls.’’

“God bless us, everyone!’’

“Yeah, we’ll need a miracle.’’
______________________________________

* Todd Domke is a Boston-area Republican political analyst, public relations strategist, and author. This article is from Boston Globe of August 25, 2011.
© Copyright 2011 Globe Newspaper Company.

Gaffes, Guts, and Glory - Todd Domke

Gaffes, Guts, and Glory
--------------
by Todd Domke *

IT’S EIGHT months from now. Michele Bachmann has won the South Carolina primary.

 
“We’re on a roll,’’ says her campaign manager to the staff. “But, to keep rolling, we need to fully understand what’s working for us. First, how did we win Iowa? Sure, we had great grass-roots organization . . . but the catalyst was media.’’

He clicks video of an MSNBC show with liberal talk show hosts Al Sharpton, Lawrence O’Donnell, and Chris Matthews interviewing Representative Bachmann.

“Remember that?’’ the manager asks, grinning. “People thought we were nuts to agree to that inquisition. Actually, we insisted on having all three liberals do the interview. We wanted Republicans to see her as Daniella in the lion’s den. And that’s why we made this TV spot. . .’’

Viewing it, staffers laugh at how the MSNBC footage was edited for comedic effect. The hosts now talk over each other, sounding angry and aggressive: “Your right-wing religious mentality’’ “extremist Tea Party know-nothings’’ “your intolerance, fear-mongering and name-calling’’. . . Michele is smiling and calm: “I believe in the Constitution. I believe in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.’’ Tagline: “Bachmann. She can’t be bullied. She can’t be bought.’’

The manager continues. “And how did we win an impressive second-place in New Hampshire? Again, media.’’ He shows news footage of the candidate’s husband, Marcus, in a coffee shop. Asked about criticism of his wife, his eyes mist up.

The manager freezes the image. “You recall how Hillary Clinton got a little teary and won the New Hampshire primary. That wouldn’t work again for a candidate. But, for a spouse?’’

He unfreezes the video. Marcus starts sobbing. “News coverage shifted from the Romney-Huntsman feud to the issue of whether husbands should be sensitive and supportive. It was an Oprah opera.’’ Staffers laugh.

“How did we win South Carolina? Again, it was a media moment.’’ He shows debate footage, with Michele turning to GOP rivals and saying, “Yes, we need separation of church and state. But, Mr. Romney and Mr. Huntsman, you’re not falling in the polls because you’re Mormon, but because you’re mushy. We need strong leadership, and I have a titanium spine. It’s time to man up and woman up!’’

The manager continues. “Now what? Pundits say Michele is like Barry Goldwater, who won nomination in 1964, but lost big to Lyndon Johnson. Well, yes, Republicans want a true believer. But there’s an enormous difference - Barack Obama is no LBJ. However, Michele does have a Goldwater problem: she can say things that backfire. . .’’

He plays a video clip. Staffers wince as they view their candidate’s gaffes about history, and confusing John Wayne, the actor, with John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer.

“But I have good news: We’ve hired a special consultant to coach her.’’

In a hotel room. . . Mr. and Mrs. Bachmann sit down with a man who looks a little like James Carville, the political operative. He’s bald, bespectacled, thin and intense.

“I am a ghost consultant,’’ he says. “I specialize in gaffe-prevention. I’m a degaffeinator.’’

“So, where do we begin?’’ asks Michele.

He stares at her, which makes her uncomfortable. Then he studies her discomfort.

“Well, sir, what’s your advice?’’ she asks.

“Ahah!’’ he says. “You spoke because you felt awkward. That’s the wrong instinct. Never say anything when you’re feeling awkward. My motto: ‘Better silent than sorry.’ ’’

She starts to talk, but just nods.

“We’ll start with verbal exercises,’’ he says. “You’ll learn how to evade no-win questions, how to be quotable without being hyperbolic, and when to say ‘I don’t know’. . .’’

Hours later. . . The consultant gets up to leave. “My final words of warning: Don’t let the media turn you into Charlie Sheen.’’

Michele looks uncertain. “Uh, I think you mean Charlie Chan.’’

He sighs. “We’d better schedule another session.’’
__________________________________

* Todd Domke is a Boston-area Republican political analyst, public relations strategist, and author. This is from Boston Globe of 08/12/2011.
© Copyright 2011 Globe Newspaper Company.

"Boring No More" - by Todd Domke

Boring No More
How Tim Pawlenty can win the GOP nomination
--------
By Todd Domke *
[Second in a series of scenarios on how GOP presidential candidates could win the nomination]

 
IT’S SIX months from now - shortly before the New Hampshire primary.

Looking through a two-way mirror, Tim Pawlenty and his strategist observe a focus group.

A pollster asks the voters to describe Pawlenty. They answer: “Boring.’’ “Reminds me of a dentist.’’ “Soft white bread, with mayo.’’

Pawlenty turns to his strategist. “Why did you want me to watch? Shock therapy?’’

The strategist smiles. “It’s too late for that. You are what you are.’’ He puts a DVD in his laptop. “Before we talk strategy, let’s review our TV spots.’’

They view the fast-paced slick spots, ending with Pawlenty on a Harley-Davidson motorcycle.

Pawlenty chuckles. “Eye candy.’’

“No, brain freeze. Voters see you as boring, no matter what we advertise. We tried selling your accomplishments as governor of Minnesota. We tried going negative, like the spot morphing Jimmy Carter into President Obama. Nothing has worked.’’

“What can we do?’’

“Well, everyone thinks you’d make a great vice president.’’

“Don’t be defeatist. We still have a prime-time debate tomorrow.’’

“That’s a good time to take a dive. Don’t criticize anyone who might need a running mate.’’



Late that night. . . The depressed candidate is alone in his dark motel room. He flips through TV channels, catching some talk shows. The pundits are merciless. “Pawlenty is the walking dead.’’ Click. “Pawlenty is a broke joke.’’ Click.

Pawlenty tries movie channels. He stops on “Network,’’ the satirical film about a TV network struggling with poor ratings. Howard Beale, the news anchor, launches into his on-air rant . . .

“We all know things are bad - worse than bad - they’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we’re living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms . . .’ Well, I’m not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad! . . . I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell, ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!!’ ’’

Pawlenty’s eyes are bulging. He looks hypnotized.

The next evening. . . Standing at their debate podiums, all the candidates are wearing dark blue. Except Pawlenty. He’s in a gray raincoat, white turtleneck, and sandals, with matted hair and puffy eyes.

Early in the CNN debate, moderator John King shows video from a 2011 debate when he asked candidates if they preferred Coke or Pepsi. “Well, has anyone changed positions?’’

Mitt Romney: “Actually, I like both.’’

Ron Paul: “I keep a stash of RC Cola -’’

“Silence!!’’ Pawlenty cries. “We are candidates for the most powerful office in the world. We shouldn’t jump through hoops. Mr. King, I have news for you: This isn’t a circus. Our country is sliding into mediocrity and bankruptcy, yet we amuse ourselves to death. We’re losing our manufacturing and falling behind in education. Our elites have failed us! And you people at home, you’re part of the problem. You hear ‘millions, billions, trillions’ and wonder: what’s the difference? You believe in magic, not math. Fools! This isn’t a reality show!’’

The moderator interrupts, “Sorry, your time is up. Next question: Quiche or Hot Pockets?’’

Pawlenty shouts: “No more trivia!! It’s time for the god-awful truth. . .’’ His rant continues several minutes, until security guards escort him off stage.

After the debate, a televised focus group expresses overwhelming approval of his outburst.

Talk shows talk of nothing else. Bill O’Reilly: “He’s like an Old Testament prophet. Gloom, doom, hellfire, damnation, righteous outrage - what’s not to like?’’ Chris Matthews: “He might be certifiably crazy, but he gave me a tingle.’’ Ann Coulter: “Pawlenty bared his soul. Braver still, he was bare-faced; he wore no makeup. He’s fearless.’’

“The Pawlenty rant’’ goes viral.

Election Day. . . In New Hampshire, independent voters swarm into the Republican primary.

At Pawlenty’s victory party he declares: “I’m mad as hell and I’m not boring anymore!’’
_____________________________

* Todd Domke is a Boston-area Republican political analyst, public relations strategist, and author. This article was from Boston Globe of 04/11/2011.
© Copyright 2011 Globe Newspaper Company.

"The Place of the Damned" - by Jonathan Swift

The Place of the Damned
--------------
by Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)
All folks who pretend to religion and grace,
Allow there's a HELL, but dispute of the place:
But, if HELL may by logical rules be defined
The place of the damned -I'll tell you my mind.
Wherever the damned do chiefly abound,
Most certainly there is HELL to be found:
Damned poets, damned critics, damned blockheads, damned knaves,
Damned senators bribed, damned prostitute slaves;
Damned lawyers and judges, damned lords and damned squires;
Damned spies and informers, damned friends and damned liars;
Damned villains, corrupted in every station;
Damned time-serving priests all over the nation;
And into the bargain I'll readily give you
Damned ignorant prelates, and counsellors privy.
Then let us no longer by parsons be flammed,
For we know by these marks the place of the damned:
And HELL to be sure is at Paris or Rome.
How happy for us that it is not at home! 

"Stolen Winks ..." - by Todd Domke

Stolen winks into the ball-that-knows-all
------------
Todd Domke *
Words from future diaries have appeared in the ball-that-knows-all. From the year 2020, with perfect hindsight, here are some personal reflections on this year's presidential campaign. )

John McCain:

Dear Diary, my friend - Looking back on 2008, a New York Times story about my alleged "romantic" relationship with a female lobbyist was a plus. It neutralized criticism that I was "too old." Good thing I leaked it.

Unnamed former staffers of mine told the Times they suspected the relationship was "romantic" because I winked when I introduced her as "my friend." Hilarious.

I wink all the time, and call everyone "my friend." Well, except a debate when I accidentally called moderator Tim Russert a "fiend."

TV shrinks analyzed me like crazy, including that blowhard, Dr. Phil. "You often lose your temper!" he said, wagging his finger at me. Ridiculous! Still, I suppose I should not have knocked on his noggin and said, "Hello, anybody home?"

Was I my own worst enemy? Not while Mitt Romney was around. What was I thinking, letting him be a surrogate speaker for me?!

"Ol' McCain will be a great president for as long as he lives!" said Mr. Subtle.

I remember how he played innocent when I called him. "Golly, John, it was a slip of the tongue."

Yeah, right. Mitt happens.

Still, I should not have told that reporter I wouldn't pick Mitt for vice president "because I can't afford a full-time food taster."

I should have leaked that quip instead.
__________________

Hillary Clinton:

Dear Diary of Disappointment - I had that 2008 flashback again ...

It's when Bill compared Barack Obama to Jesse Jackson. His gaffe was the tipping point. After that, my candidacy seemed like "Karaoke Night at the Opera."

Why didn't he just announce that I would appoint Ann Coulter as UN ambassador and finish me off in one fell swoop? I still wonder: Did Bill really want me to win? Was he worried that I would outshine him as president, and historians would refer to me as "the good Clinton"?

I'm not a conspiracy nut, but it's not a conspiracy if there's only one guy involved. And I still don't know how Bill talked Barack into picking him as his running mate.
_________________

Mike Huckabee:

Dear Book of Revelations - Before I became host of "Wheel of Fortune," I ran for president.

McCain won the nomination that year, but I gave the best convention speech. True, I borrowed some rhetoric from Democrats ...

"Hope. Change. Inspiration. Those are the things America needs! Will you provide those things, Rush Limbaugh? Will you get behind John McCain? Lead us out of the wilderness into a new frontier! Come home, Rush. Come home."

The applause was incredible. Even though Chuck Norris was standing next to me during the speech (adding his own gestures), I think the delegates were mostly cheering for me.

Indeed, I thought McCain might come out on stage, hold my arm aloft (and Chuck's), and declare, "Mike Huckabee, will you be my running mate?"

Alas, he did not. I saw him peeking at me from behind the stage curtain. But he only winked.
_______________

Barack Obama:

Dear Chronicle of Change - I remember when the 2008 campaign turned nasty. Clinton supporters circulated a photo of me dressed like a Somali elder in Kenya. Predictably, the media went wild.

My supporters retaliated by distributing a picture of Hillary in a dreadful tweed pantsuit. I'm no fashion expert, but the suede elbow patches looked very inappropriate for that cocktail party. Even though it was a shrimp cocktail party.

The conflict escalated. Hillary went on "This Week with George Stephanopoulos" with a photo album.

"I've tried to show restraint and set a nice tone in this campaign," she lied. "For example, here are some pictures I refused to post on my website."

One showed me with bell-bottoms and an afro ... another in a plaid tuxedo ... one where I'm wearing a Davy Crockett cap, at a birthday party for Ted Kennedy.

George Will rescued me. He showed a photo of Sam Donaldson with a Mohawk. It turned out to have been doctored, but it ended the discussion.
_______________

Ralph Nader:

Dear Diary of Personal Sacrifice and Struggle against Corporate Greed and Collusion, Political Corruption and Apathy, Media Hypocrisy and Complicity...

Uh-oh, forgot what I was going to write. Anyway, my campaign is fine. You know what they say, sixth time is a charm.
__________________

Bill Clinton:

Yo, Diary - I had lunch with John McCain today.

We reminisced about 2008. I said, "You know, I didn't sink Hillary on purpose."

He just winked. I wonder what he meant by that.
_____________________________

* Todd Domke is a Boston area Republican political analyst, public relations strategist, and author. This article is from Boston Globe on 02/28/2008.
© Copyright 2008 Globe Newspaper Company.

the revenge of e e cummings - by The Boston Globe

the revenge of e.e. cummings
-----------------
Boston Globe Editorial - April 29, 2008




(Item: A new study warns that writing text messages could hurt a writer's command of standardized English.)

WE HAD to LOL when we read how txt-msg lingo is replacing stndrd english in student academic pprs. 1 casualty of da trend is uz of capital letter to start a sentence. kids feel free to lowercase everything. pnktu8n is also dissed. tchaz try to help but its often 2 l8.

new paragraphs r not uzed in txting either. kids prolly think all dis iz ok cuz even Richard Sterling, emeritus xecutiv director of the ntl riting prjct, gives it the nod. natl riting prjct is sposd 2 improve riting instruxn in americas schoolz.

"i think in the future, capitalization will disappear," he sed in the nytimes. 4 lazy students dis is 2G2BT!

a big natl study by the College Board and Pew Project on the Internet and American Life finds teenagers riting more b/c of txting but in a hybrid language with conventions of its own: call it Textlish. they don't consider it frml english but 64 percent admit it seeps into their writing at school.

we get da need for shorthand when thumbs fly on tiny keypads. but we thot technology wd enhance communication, not blur every boundary b/w frml language and slang. and dont even get us started on emoticons!

1 yng friend of rs recently sent us a hand-ritten thank-u note. we were thrilled at 1st but her spelling wuz awful b/c deres no spellcheck for pen and ppr. same ish w/ txting. ppl get uzd 2 slang and 4get the real words. btw, all of us w/ email addresses r guilty 2, since email usernames r all lowercase and include many weird squiggles. somehow, tho, gnr8ns of secys managed to transl8 Gregg or Pitman shorthand squiggles n2 grammatically correct correspondence 4 their bosses.

well, tempora quid faciunt. dis not lingo but latin: times change. early america's founders wud uppercase almost every noun; maybe Sterling really is a visionary. Still, on the 25th anniversary of "A Nation at Risk," the seminal report on America's educational challenges, who wudda thot the big threat to riting wd b the cellfone?
________________________________________
© Copyright 2008 Globe Newspaper Company.

The Great Art Buchwald - by TPO

Art Buchwald (1925 - 2000)
Sa Liaison Française (His French Connection)
On the "antipathy between the French and Americans" ...

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Le Grande Thanksgiving

By Art Buchwald
Thursday, November 24, 2005© 2005  The Washington Post Company
[This confidential column was leaked to me by a high government official in the Plymouth colony on the condition that I not reveal his name.]

One of our most important holidays is Thanksgiving Day, known in France as le Jour de Merci Donnant.

Le Jour de Merci Donnant was first started by a group of Pilgrims ( Pèlerins ) who fled from l'Angleterre before the McCarran Act to found a colony in the New World ( le Nouveau Monde ) where they could shoot Indians ( les Peaux-Rouges ) and eat turkey ( dinde ) to their hearts' content.

They landed at a place called Plymouth (now a famous voiture Américaine ) in a wooden sailing ship called the Mayflower (or Fleur de Mai ) in 1620. But while the Pèlerins were killing the dindes, the Peaux-Rouges were killing the Pèlerins, and there were several hard winters ahead for both of them. The only way the Peaux-Rouges helped the Pèlerins was when they taught them to grow corn ( maïs ). The reason they did this was because they liked corn with their Pèlerins.

In 1623, after another harsh year, the Pèlerins' crops were so good that they decided to have a celebration and give thanks because more maïs was raised by the Pèlerins than Pèlerins were killed by Peaux-Rouges.

Every year on the Jour de Merci Donnant, parents tell their children an amusing story about the first celebration.

It concerns a brave capitaine named Miles Standish (known in France as Kilomètres Deboutish) and a young, shy lieutenant named Jean Alden. Both of them were in love with a flower of Plymouth called Priscilla Mullens (no translation). The vieux capitaine said to the jeune lieutenant:

"Go to the damsel Priscilla ( allez très vite chez Priscilla), the loveliest maiden of Plymouth ( la plus jolie demoiselle de Plymouth). Say that a blunt old captain, a man not of words but of action ( un vieux Fanfan la Tulipe ), offers his hand and his heart, the hand and heart of a soldier. Not in these words, you know, but this, in short, is my meaning.

"I am a maker of war ( je suis un fabricant de la guerre ) and not a maker of phrases. You, bred as a scholar ( vous, qui êtes pain comme un étudiant ), can say it in elegant language, such as you read in your books of the pleadings and wooings of lovers, such as you think best adapted to win the heart of the maiden."

Although Jean was fit to be tied ( convenable à être emballé ), friendship prevailed over love and he went to his duty. But instead of using elegant language, he blurted out his mission. Priscilla was muted with amazement and sorrow ( rendue muette par l'étonnement et las tristesse ).

At length she exclaimed, interrupting the ominous silence: "If the great captain of Plymouth is so very eager to wed me, why does he not come himself and take the trouble to woo me?" ( Où est-il, le vieux Kilomètres? Pourquoi ne vient-il pas auprès de moi pour tenter sa chance? )

Jean said that Kilomètres Deboutish was very busy and didn't have time for those things. He staggered on, telling what a wonderful husband Kilomètres would make. Finally Priscilla arched her eyebrows and said in a tremulous voice, "Why don't you speak for yourself, Jean?" ( Chacun à son goût. )

And so, on the fourth Thursday in November, American families sit down at a large table brimming with tasty dishes and, for the only time during the year, eat better than the French do.

No one can deny that le Jour de Merci Donnant is a grande fête and no matter how well fed American families are, they never forget to give thanks to Kilomètres Deboutish, who made this great day possible.

**Art Buchwald. This column first appeared in the IHT many, many Thanksgivings ago. **
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"Right Wing Activists" - by D S

"Right Wing Activists"
by
D S