The Mental Patient - by Hénock Gugsa

 The Mental Patient 

- by Hénock Gugsa -

There is a little, harmless, Ethiopian joke about what transpired between a psychiatrist and a mental patient upon his release from an sanatorium.  

So the patient had been doing extremely well, and the institute was now confident he can be released.  They went thru all the necessary protocol, the paperwork was complete, and the patient was seeing his doctor for a final, exit interview.

The doctor asked the patient a simple but tricky question: Is a man a child even if he is old?  

The patient smiled and answered, "Ah, Doc, a man can always be a child.  It is all a state of mind." 

The doctor was very impressed ... and so without any hesitation, he signed the final release paper and handed it to the patient.

The patient took the paper and the pass card, shook the doctor's hand and started walking to the door.

When he reached the door, he turned one last time to face  the doctor and said this: I still got them, huh doctor?

The doctor looked up, surprised. "What?"

As he walked out the door, the patient pointed a finger at his own head and  said, "My kidneys!" 

"No Little Things" - by Naftali Reich

"No Little Things"
- by Naftali Reich * -
=============

What is the image that comes to mind when we think of the ideal national leader? Someone who has a grasp of the issues, who can see the big picture. Someone who is strong and courageous, who can hold his own in the arena of international affairs in times of war and peace. Someone who has a vision for the future and the ability to make it happen. Someone who, through his words and actions, can inspire and galvanize his people.

[But] what is [a leader's] qualification for leadership? That he is attuned to the spirit of each and every individual [citizen].

And the overriding quality required of a leader ...
It is not enough for a leader to have grand schemes and plans. It is not enough for a leader to deliver soul-stirring addresses to the people. A leader must be able to relate to his people on every level. He must be sensitive to their needs and aspiration. He must empathize with their pain and joy. A true leader cannot stand off in the distance. He must be thoroughly attuned to the most minor requirements of his people in order to lead effectively. For a true leader, there are no little things.
_____________________________________________________ 
* Rabbi Naftali Reich, "No little Things", www.torah.org/legacy 7/14/2008

 

The Purist - by Ogden Nash

The Purist
- by Ogden Nash -
================== 
I give you now Professor Twist,
A conscientious scientist,
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"
And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile." 

 

My Ancestry - by Hénock Gugsa

My Ancestry 
(as told to me by my father, Gugsa Asta!)

- by Hénock Gugsa -

=====//======

Legend has it that a tribesman traveled from Zula, an ancestral town in eastern Eritrea, to a place called Adi-Abo which was located in the southwest, in the region known as Tigray.  When he got there, he settled down, got married, and began to prosper.  Soon he became quite wealthy, and achieved a respectable status in the community.  However, he and his wife were childless, and so he was not as content with his life as could be expected.

As it happened, there lived in that town a sorcerer who was quite reputable in his wisdom and extra-sensory powers.  So, the wealthy but childless man decided to go and consult with him for a solution to his problem.

"Why can I not have any children?  Can you give me some medicine to help me and my wife be fruitful?" He begged.

The sorcerer replied, "You must understand that your destiny is unique.  The only offspring you will have is from a lioness."

"But a lioness is a mighty ferocious, and wild creature.  How is it even possible to approach a lioness, let alone procreate with her?"

"Follow my instructions to the letter, and you will succeed in this mission, fear not!"  The sorcerer commanded.

He then told the man where he would find the particular lioness that was destined to give him offspring.  The lioness had a favorite watering spot at a little clearing near a hillside from whence a stream flowed.  The man was to go to that place when the lioness wasn't there, and he was to build a dam and divert the stream in another direction.  Then at the exact spot where the lioness drank, he was to place a large vat filled with mead.  When the lioness came to the spot as usual, she would not find water there ... and because she would be mightily thirsty, she would be forced to drink the potent mead.  When sated, she would head back to her lair for her evening siesta.  The mead was bound to overcome her, and she would fall into a deep slumber.  That would be the time for the man to show his intrepid side, and give her his seed. 

Then would come a waiting period when the man would have to stalk the lioness from a distance and see how she was progressing along.  Not too long after she had given birth to a daughter and three sons as predicted by the sorcerer, the proud father was to repeat the same crafty deception with the mead and get the lioness intoxicated again.  He would then kidnap the four infants with the help of an assistant that the sorcerer had provided.  Additionally, the sorcerer emphasized that they should make sure they stayed downwind from the lioness at all times during their escape.  That way, her eventual search and pursuit of the kidnappers and her babies would be thwarted.

Following the successful daredevil deed, the man and his offspring left Adi-Abo and returned to Eritrea.  The man stopped and settled in Hatsenna in order to raise his children.  When the children were grown, he first saw to it that his daughter got married and made her home there.  When that was accomplished, the man and his three sons were off and on the road again. 

At long last, the man finally made his home in the place we now call Asmara.  One of his sons, Asmael, stayed there with his father, and they both settled down for good.  Asmael became the patriarch of all the people that lived in that region.  And in time, the town, Asmara, was named after him.

As for the other two sons, they left their father and brother behind and headed east toward Zula.  But midway, the second son whose name was Jenn-Alle decided to veer a little bit to the south toward Adi Keyh (the Red Land).  When he reached Berhenet-Arett, he stopped and this became his home.  Jenn-Alle is our ancestor, and his blood still runs in our family!

Tekle-Semaat, the third son, continued on to Zula.  He settled there and had many offspring.  We believe his descendants, our cousins,  are still there.
/// === \\\    

(Please click on map to enlarge)     

The Cause of All His Troubles - by Life Lessons

The Cause of All His Troubles 

- by Life Lessons -

A man woke up one morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.  He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.

He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the first bottle swearing, "You are the reason I fight with my wife!"

He smashed the second bottle ... "You are the reason I don't love my children!"

He smashed the third bottle ... "You are the reason I don't have a decent job!"

When he got to the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still full and well sealed .... He hesitated for only a moment and said, "You stand aside, I know you were not involved."

The Replacement Priest - by Unknown

 

The Replacement Priest
- by Unknown -
~~~~~~~~ /// ~~~~~~~~ A priest was being summoned temporarily to another town on an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to come and cover for him.

The rabbi pointed out that he wouldn't know what to say in a confessional, but the priest was very persuasive. He convinced the rabbi that he would show him the basics of a priest's work in the confession booth.

The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional.

After a few minutes a woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
The priest asks, "What did you do?" 
The woman says, "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?" 
Woman: "Three times." 
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery."
Priest: “How many times?" 
Man: "Three times." 
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Rabbi: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Rabbi: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once."
Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."

Very soon now! - by Hénock Gugsa -

Very soon now! 

- by Hénock Gugsa -

Not too far in the future, ...
but very soon now, [I predict] each and every American, child or adult, will be required to carry some sort of "passport" (national identity card) on their person at all times.
 
Such passport will normally be issued at birth, and it will be used for multiple purposes ...
1 - for travel
2 - for cashing checks
3 - for voting
4 - getting Rx prescriptions filled
5 - getting licenses to drive, to marry or to divorce, to build or to demolish, etc., etc.
6 - last but not least, for using the "correct" public bathroom!

"Till Death Us Do Part" - by Rusty of St. Paul

"Till Death Us Do Part" *
by Rusty of St. Paul
====== ~~~ ======

I have a trick back that goes out periodically. In recent times I blame being overweight, but it would seize up years ago when I was much slimmer, so who knows?
I jacked it the other day, and it got progressively worse as the day progressed. I went to work, as if I call in, a colleague enjoying a day off has to get called in, and I just can’t do that to people. It was a painful shift. Walking back to my car, a block away, was a chore. I wished someone could have wheel-chaired me (which has happened before). I thought: Maybe if I just lie down on the ground for a few minutes….
My wife is used to seeing me ‘walk crooked’ on occasion. I entered the house, she saw me and said: “You’re walking crooked!”
“I jacked my back. I was putting on my pants this morning. (Instant smirk of her face.) I got one leg in the pants leg, but then my other foot got caught on the waist band. (One hand to her mouth, trying to cover the smirk, but it was now her eyes and laugh wrinkles.) When my foot got caught, I started pogoing on one leg. (Now two hands over her mouth, but her shoulders were heaving.) My back twisted, and I heard and felt a clank, then a clunk, and I said out loud: ’Oh, this isn’t going to be good.’ (Snorting, and spittle now spraying through her fingers of two hands.) I fail to see what is so funny!”
"Just the way you’re telling it!”
I guess as we’ve been married for so many  years, and so many trick-back incidents later, she has run out of 'I'm-sorrys'.
=================================================
 * Source: Bulletin Board - St. Paul Pioneer Press, April 7, 2016

Speaking my Mind - by Hénock Gugsa

Speaking my Mind
- by -
Hénock Gugsa
//// ~~~~ ////

Recently, I spoke my mind honestly when I posted something on Facebook about a politician running for the presidency, and I questioned his intelligence.   I said, in essence, he is a "pendejo".*

An old high-school classmate, now an old wealthy socialite, was up in arms calling me a "hater" and everything. Then she sent me a pm that I should refrain from posting my "liberal" views because she does not like seeing them in "her" Facebook. 

She said if I continue this way, she might have to "unfriend [me] at least until after the elections." 

I decided I will save her the bother ... I "unfriended" her on the spot.

Then I told one or two of my friends and explained about the old Ethiopian (Abyssinian) saying: Less beans, less farts!!  ...
  " ባቄላ ቢቀር ፈስ ቀለለ !! "
-------------------------------------------------------
* "pendejo" - (Spanish) asshole

 

The "MarcoRoboto" Moments - by TPO

 

The "MarcoRoboto" Moments by   TPO *  ===== #### =====
    RUBIO:  And let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world....

    RUBIO:  But I would add this. Let's dispel with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing. He is trying to change this country. He wants America to become more like the rest of the world....

    CHRISTIE:  That's what Washington, D.C. Does. The drive-by shot at the beginning with incorrect and incomplete information and then the memorized 25-second speech that is exactly what his advisers gave him. See Marco, the thing is this. When you're president of the United States, when you're a governor of a state, the memorized 30-second speech where you talk about how great America is at the end of it doesn't solve one problem for one person.

    RUBIO:  Here's the bottom line. This notion that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing is just not true. He knows exactly what he's doing.

    CHRISTIE:  There it is. There it is. The memorized 25-second speech. There it is, everybody....It gets very unruly when he gets off his talking points....

    RUBIO [an hour later]:  I think anyone who believes that Barack Obama isn't doing what he's doing on purpose doesn't understand what we're dealing with here, OK? This is a president who is trying to change this country.
---------------------------------------------
* Source: Kevin Drum - Mother Jones.com

"Rubio - pendejo by design!" - by Hénock Gugsa

 "Rubio - pendejo by design !"

by 
Hénock Gugsa *

Didn't he [Rubio] also say some time back that he wouldn't mind sitting and having a beer with Malala Yousufzai, the young Pakistani Nobel Prize winner?
At least three things wrong with that picture ....
One, she is a moslem (alcohol is forbidden) ...
two, she is an underage female and he is almost middle-aged ...
and three, he presumes that he is doing her the greatest honor by sitting with her!
===  How embarrassingly stupid can you get ?!  ===
------- ##### ------- ##### ------- ##### ------- ##### -------
* recently posted on Facebook and caused the following reaction from a "friend" who wrote the following ...
<<
Henock:  why are you such a name calling hater?? Your political posts are offensive! Do you think this hate tactic will change any minds?! Or do you post them to impress your fellow extreme liberal 'friends'??? Why don't you post POSITIVE ideas by your liberal candidates instead of hateful name calling personal attacks against Republicans???Name calling is the lowest level is [sic] debate. >>
---------------------------------
This was followed by a private message threatening to "unfriend" me if I continue in this manner in the future.  I started getting visions of being banned from posh and exclusive country clubs. So, I promptly and unceremoniously beat her to the punch ... I unfriended her. As we say in Ethiopia: Less beans, Less fart!   " ባቄላ ቢቀር ፈስ ቀለለ !! "

Epitaphs, anyone? - by TPO

Epitaphs, anyone? 

- by TPO -

OFFICE  HUMOR ... Boss Suicide ===>

The detective asked the secretary, "Why did your boss jump out the window?"

She sobbed, "I don't know. He was such a kind man .... Over the past few weeks, he gave me a fur coat, a sports car, a diamond ring and today, a new condo! .... And then he asked what it would take to get to home base with me."

"And what did you say?"

"I replied, 'Oh, I don't know; the other guys in the office just buy me dinner!' "

A Yank in Ireland! - by Unknown

 

An American Tourist in Ireland ** ===> 
--------------------------------------------- <<
Well now, folks ... There is this American here a-touring all of Ayre-land, ya see.
When his tour bus arrives in Belfast, the yank decides to go for a stroll on his own with the aim of taking in the sites 'n the culture first hand.
After he has been walking for a while, someone rushes up behind him and sticks a gun in his back.
The person says to the tourist "What are you, Catholic or Protestant ?"
The American thinks to himself: "Great - if I say I'm Catholic, this guy is sure to be Protestant ... and if I say I'm Protestant, he is sure to be Catholic. Either way, I am dead."
Then he has an inspiration, and he says to the guy with the gun, "Actually I'm Jewish."
This, he thinks to himself, will surely keep him safe.
The mugger then replies, "Gee, I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!"  >>
========================================
** Source: An unknown narrator, presumed to be an irreverent, hard-drinking, politically incorrect, and outspoken Irishman who has no use for foreigners (especially Americans and Arabs) !

America's Humanity at Risk! - by TPO

America's Humanity at Risk! 

- by TPO -

~~~~~~~ **** ~~~~~~~

Stephen Colbert: Syrian Refugees & the Republicans' Panic

Talking to God! - from Bulletin Board of St. Paul Pioneer Press

Talking to God!

St. Paul Pioneer Press, Bulletin Board,  November 14,2015
===============
Good Little Girl reports:

<< Last night I talked to God.

I asked Him what was so great about free will. Wouldn't it be easier to tell us what to do, then see that we joyfully did it? There'd be no policemen and bad guys shooting each other. There wouldn't even be any policemen or bad guys! There'd be no more wars, hunger, homelessness, abuse. No more unhappy homes or kids bringing guns to school. There wouldn't even be any guns or house keys or jails or drug and alcohol abuse.

I admitted to Him that we would probably have too many people pretty soon, but by that time we'd have developed ways to open new horizons on other planets. We'd have so much time for study that we could accomplish almost anything.

It might have been the best conversation I ever had, except that He didn't answer me. As soon as He does, I'll let you know what He says.

(Although, from my meager studies of philosophy, ethics and theology, I think I know what He'll say.)  >>
=======================================================

When I die - by Tim Torkildson

When I die 

- by Tim Torkildson * -

Subject: "New York Times headline: 'A Lonely End for South Koreans Who Cannot Afford to Live, or Die.' "

I want a real big funeral, the biggest you can buy,
With mourners paid good money just to sit around and cry.
I want my casket to appear made out of gold and gems.
The whole shebang should happen on a yacht upon the Thames.
The food and drink will be superb, and flowers will abound.
Please spend a modest fortune as you put me in the ground.
Scatter coins and candy as the hearse moves on its way.
It should be done like a parade, as on a holiday.

And when the bill comes due, I hope you'll like my little joke,
Because, you see, I'm gonna die just absolutely broke!
==============================================
*[Bulletin Board, St. Paul Pioneer Press, November 11, 2015]
 

 

Every crab for himself! - by Jim Toomey (Sherman's Lagoon)

Every crab for himself!
by Jim Toomey
("Sherman’s Lagoon") *
===================

November 10,2015

* Sherman’s Lagoon is a comic strip set in an imaginary lagoon inhabited by a cast of sea creatures whose lives are curiously similar to our own.
 

A Bengali Tiger and a Little Girl - by Dyrk Daniels

A Bengali Tiger and a Little Girl

 - by Dyrk Daniels -

A 370lb Golden Bengal Tiger bowed its head and placed a paw up to the hand of a small girl. 

Photographer Dyrk Daniels says: "I noticed this little girl was leaning against the glass with both hands out-stretched staring at the 'big kitties'. I could not believe my eyes when Taj approached the girl, bowed his head and then placed his huge right paw exactly in front of where the little girl's left hand was. It was incredible to watch. Taj let down his right paw, rubbed his cheek against the glass where the little girl's face was and moved off." Far from being scared, the little girl was so excited that she started clapping as she walked back towards her mother. 
 

"Oromo Street" in Minneapolis, MN - by Hénock Gugsa

"Oromo Street" in Minneapolis, MN

 - by Hénock Gugsa  -

[አገር የሌላቸው ሰዎች በሰው አገር መጥተው አስፋልት መንገድ ይሰጠን አሉ !]  

-------------------------------------------------
There is a saying in Ethiopia: 

"Without food and starving, yet she covets the fancy dress!"
" የምትበላው የሌላት የምትከናነበው አማራት !! " 
-------------------------------------------------- 

The street in this picture is found in the West Bank neighborhood of Minneapolis (near the U of M campus), which is now locally known as "Little Mogadishu".  The black building in the background is a madrasas (Islamic school) that belongs to the dominant Somalis in the area.  Up-to almost fifteen years ago, this same building used to be a bar/club called "the 400 Bar".  I have some great memories of some good times at that bar back in the late 80's.  But back then, there were few Oromos and even fewer Somalis here in the Twin Cities.

Regarding this street ... thankfully, I don't believe the city of Minneapolis completely recognizes this new, strange name.  It is still "S 4th Street" as far as everybody (including this writer) is concerned ! 

To be sure, the money wasted on this stupid street name (the sign itself and the license or permit fees, etc.) could have been put to better use in Ethiopia.  That money could have bought school books and materials for poor Ethiopian children, it could have bought hospital beds, and it could have been used as startup funds for building community wells, etc. 

One last point of note:  Has anybody seen streets named for Laos, for Vietnam, for Liberia, for Kenya, etc. here in America?  The expats from those countries living here are to be commended for having sense enough to keep low profiles and making noteworthy contributions to America, their new home.   So, Oromos and Somalis: ===> If you want to be recognized, please be good citizens here first, and then go and do something substantial, something meaningful and respectable for your former (native) lands ... and do it quietly!
 

The Life and Death of Eddie the Donator - by R.F. Fuddy Daddy

 The Life and Death of Eddie the Donator
 by R.F. Fuddy Daddy
Bulletin Board

St. Paul Pioneer Press (7/22/2015) 
////////// ~~~~~ //////////

I grew up in a small town in western Wisconsin in the 1940s and 1950s. For our baseball games, we needed almost every kid in town.

One of them was Eddie. Eddie was tall, very thin and had poor eyesight. He couldn't run or jump because he had what seemed to be a frozen spine. Nothing went his way. The song lyrics 'If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all' fit Eddie to a T.

In his teens, he got into a lot of fights. We nicknamed him The Donator because he lost blood as well as fights.

Even when he bought a car, things went wrong. To celebrate his purchase, he bought a 16-gallon keg of beer and put it in the back seat. He and a couple of his friends then drove around the area all afternoon and part of the evening. After dark, they decided to tap the keg, which was still in the back seat. The result was about 14 gallons of foam, which filled the car. After they 'defoamed' the car, they drove around again, got into an accident and totaled the vehicle. He had forgotten to insure the car, so he ended the day with no beer and no car.

About this time, the Vietnam war was heating up, and Eddie was drafted. We could never figure out how he passed the physical. He was 6-foot-3, 125 pounds, no muscle, couldn't run or jump and was half-blind.

I still remember the day my brother called me and said Eddie was being sent to Vietnam. I also remember the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

My brother and I went to D.C. to see him some years ago.

He's on the wall at the Vietnam Memorial, along with about 58,000 other young men killed in another useless war.
=======================

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